My week thus far....

The weekend gone was quite an eventful one and I must say the most enjoyable one I have had for quite some time! My Miss 21 and her Airforce man have finally moved in together and so they invited MM and I to come visit their new humble abode and have afternoon tea on Saturday. We'd love to say we and with Mr 20 assuring us he knew the way we set off on our journey to Silkstone, an outer suburb of Ipswich about an hours drive from our house. I had been to Ipswich many times as it is dad's hometown and his sister still lives there and over the years we had many visits although these stopped a few years ago as said sister became very ill and wasn't much up for visits. So I figured we should be able to get there easily without getting lost. Well...we didn't figure on all the new underpasses/overpasses and new highway to Ipswich. So we say to Mr 20 "okay which way". He ums and ahs a few times then says "Try that way" only seconds from the exit. "Are you sure?" yells MM as he veers off onto the exit. "Yeah pretty sure" says Mr 20. By now we are on the Centenary Highway and the sign that we pass a bit further on says we are heading to Logan/ Gold Coast and then Sydney. MM is now getting a little uptight and thinking this is not the right way. We head past Forest Lake and Springfield and lots of signs that say we are heading to Warwick but none that say Ipswich. Turns out Mr 20 has only been to his sister's once and she was driving and it was at night so he really had no clue where he was going only that some things "looked familiar". By now MM is yelling at Mr 20 saying "looking familiar" is not going to help us find Silkstone. I ask Mr 20 to pull out the UBD and I start looking. Hmmm we are actually miles from we are supposed to be and should not have taken the exit we took. If we'd stayed on the same path we'd be there by now. It seemed we were going to Ipswich via Cairns! Eventually we get as far as Amberley RAAF base before turning around and heading back the way we came. By now we are an hour late, MM has steam coming from out of his ears and Mr 20 is sulking in the back seat! As for me, I'm just happy to be out of the house and going for a drive! I'm like the puppy that loves getting in the car and sticking his head out of the window and tongue flapping in the breeze! Anyway, after following the UBD which incidentally is from 2004 and has none of the new roads/highways/housing estates in it, we arrive about an hour and a half late! But we got the grand tour of the house and we had a lovely afternoon with daughter and future son in law. The owner of the house is a young lady who is renovating so there is a lot of work to be done but she has all kinds of kitchen gadgets which were pretty awesome! Miss 21 is really proud of herself and she and I spent an afternoon swapping recipes and she asking me for laundry tips and what products are best etc so it was a really nice mother/daughter thing with MM and MM Jnr talking man stuff and Mr 20 sitting watching a DVD on their nice big TV! MM Jr is really good for Miss 21. She really was a wild child out of control at one stage and was living a nomadic existence drifting from one friends house to another with nowhere to call home. He is really pulling her in to line. They argue a bit as she wants to spend money and he keeps telling her to get a job then they can afford to spend money. MM and I silently cheer as we have been at her for years to get a job! But they really are in love and he takes good care of her and she has finally become domesticated! Yay!!

Sunday we had a Christmas breakfast at a park near the beach at Scarborough (Redcliffe) with Mum's family...her brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. We had a lovely time! We basically only see each other once a year at Christmas and at weddings or funerals. Mum's siblings are a riot and its so odd to see all my cousins who were only babies when I was in my 20's are now all grown up some with kids and families of their own now! One of the aunts is putting all the previous Christmas parites we have had and we filmed on video onto to DVD and we will all get copies. We all laughed at the way some of us looked in the 80's *ugh* and all the cousins how cute they were as little ones. It's so funny. There's ones with Dad in them as well as some with my cousin who died of leaukemia at the age of 21 so it is so nice to look back over the years.

All in all the weekend was wonderful and it really put us in the mood for Christmas again.

My Christmas Thanks

I have come to the conclusion that I am indeed very blessed...I have had the support of some very wonderful friends some of whom actually read my blog and from the bottom of my heart I want to thank you for your love, support and kindness to me over this year which has been quite a horrendous one for me. I know I can count on you all to accept me as I am through my ups and downs, my faults and some of my positives. I can never repay any of you for what you have done for me. Just know that I love you all and I am here for you as well! Thank you friends and have a most wonderful Christmas!

Is it over Yet???

Christmas Madness is in full swing here. Don't get me wrong...I absolutely love Christmas as a rule but this year I just can't seem to get into the spirit of it all. Work has gone quiet again as all our kindergartens are now closing so until they all re-open in 8 weeks time we will have a chance to catch up on all the mundane things that get left behind in the craziness of dealing with teachers, staff and cranky parents. Our office also closes for a week and a half over the Christmas break so that will also be a nice time to recharge the old batteries!

I guess it's also the change in the dynamics this year for Christmas with Dad gone. Mum has become quite morose and is threatening to cancel Christmas. I can understand her sadness at this time but it is a little upsetting to the kids and Dad would hate for the kids sake to not celebrate so I have talked her into coming to our house for Christmas Eve so we can all celebrate at my house then Christmas Day she can stay home and think about Dad. She has agreed with that and has promised to pull herself together for the kids' sake. She had my sister over today and they were helping my niece and nephew decorate so that's a big start!

Mum also finally retired 2 weeks ago so she is now a lady of leisure although she is now stressing about getting the house in a fit state to sell. She will be fine once she sells and moves into a smaller, more affordable home. She will also be debt free as well then and can just enjoy life for a change.

My Miss 16 niece finally bought herself a car on the weekend! My MM, myself, Miss 16 and my brother found a private sale on the net and went to see it. My MM knows all there is to know about cars having re-built them in his youth and working in his parents service station for many years and also racing them for a few years so he tagged along to make sure Miss 16 was getting something good. Well this car really is just the thing for her. It's a 97 model Ford Fiesta 5 door a greeny blue colour with blue racing stripes. The tyres are all brand new and the interior is spotless. The paint work even isn't too bad. The usual scratches on the sides from trolleys and stone chips etc but its in better nick than my car! She fell in love with it on sight and MM went over it with a fine tooth comb with Miss 16 praying he wouldn't say there was something wrong with it! MM took it for a spin and it runs like a dream so for $4500 it was a bargain vehicle. RACQ have also looked it over and its passed road worthy with flying colours so Miss 16 is now the proud owner of her first car! She has had 3 lessons in it already and my brother took her out and already she drives like a pro he reckons. Can you beleive he got her to reverse park just to tease her and she did it twice! Perfectly! That's nuts! Miss 16 has always been an extremely calm person though so I think she will master driving like a pro! Maybe I will be safe on the roads after all!

Some Chrissie Pictures from my Office

Ok...after a bit of nagging here they are =P





My workstation is the bottom one. The others belong to work colleagues.

Actually as one colleague just commented this is the best fun Christmas we have had in all the years she has worked here. Everyone is participating whereas in previous years only one or two people have done decorations. This year it has become bigger than Ben Hur! Me and another girl have tried to sabotage IT's christmas train. We ended up derailing it which has now resulted in a small war being declared. Bring it on Boys!!!

DANGER! DANGER! New Teenage Learner Driver !!!

My niece, Miss 16 finally got her Learners yesterday and is soooo excited! She couldn't wait to tell everyone then got in a huff because nearly everyone, even the guy next door, said they were all handing in their licences and catching public transport lol. What's even scarier is she has asked ME to teach her. *Gulp* She has a fair bit saved for a car so MM and I will take her car shopping, then once she has that she will start with a driving school first and we can take her out for drives as well so she can complete her obligatory log book hours. I have told her she will have to buy an ex-driving school car so I can have controls on my side as well *Grin* Mum has also given her dad's car to trade in. Dad's was a Toyota Camry still in very good nick for its age (about 17 years) so even if she only gets a few hundred dollars for trade-in it will be good. And so begins the next stage of my little girl's life *sigh* She has been spending a lot of time with the next door neighbours as the guy next door is an artist and he held an exhibition at their house last weekend. He does awesome work and since he discovered Miss 16 is also wanting to get into art he has been sort of mentoring her. He has also been encouraging her with her art work and has seen some of her pieces and agrees with what we have been saying that she needs to get a portfolio going. She has now also decided to go back to her natural hair colour which is great!

My Miss 21 has now moved in with her boyfriend at the house in Ipswich. They are housesitting the boyfriend's boss's house while he is deployed overseas for 3 months. When he gets back the boyfriend will then be deployed overseas. Miss 21 rang me the night after their very first night together and said that so far they still like each other and not one fight yet! Miss 21 is incredibly messy whereas the boyfriend who is in the Air Force is a neat freak. We have been invited to dinner there in a couple of weeks when they get settled so I can't wait!

Yesterday I took the day off work to help MM get the house in order. Still waiting for Insurance Assessors to come out and assess the damage from the storm on Sunday. MM spoke to the Telstra guy on Monday when we finally got our phones operational. Apparently the whole street's phone lines went out. There were 3 Telstra guys in our front yard trying to find the Telstra pit and when they found it all the cables and wires were fused together! Was a real mess apparently. Further inspection of the trees near the house showed the lightning passed through 2 trees. The bigger tree had scorch marks all the way down the trunk till it reached the smaller tree splitting it in two and leaving a huge gouge mark in the ground. MM was told if he had been on the phone at the time he'd be dead now. Both our phones have to be replaced as they are dead as well. All in all a pretty lucky escape I'd say.

Well the office Christmas decoration war has started. This place looks like it has been literally moved from the North Pole and Santa has moved his workshop right here! We have snow and lots of sparkly stuff every where! The IT guys have excelled themselves. They have set up a beach umbrella and towells and have a stubby full of real beer and everything! Plus they have a huge video screen playing old Christmas movies and christmas carols playing all day long. The poor guy in the office beside IT has heard all 85 christmas carols about 20 times already! There's lights flashing and carols playing and every work area has tried to outdo themselves with the best treats. There's candy canes and choclates and jelly beans and all other manner of bribery for everyone in the office. This is going to be really fun I think! I did think my work area was really nice but now it looks miniscule compared to others! The battle is on! Will try and get photos and put them up. Our Accountant has stuck Grinch pictures all over his office which is hilarious! He is not a Christmas kind of person...

Anyway enjoy the rest of your day!

"Oh jingle bells...batman smells...."

Yes it's December 1 and only 24 more sleeps till Christmas! My tree will go up tonight when I get home from work because I REFUSE to put up any decorations before 1 December. At work we have a competition for the best decorated work stations and I have just finished putting up my tinsel and my pretty battery operated flashing lights and have had everyone trounce past at least once saying "Oooooh...pretty!". So now the race is on to see who can outdo the others. I'm going to to wait a bit longer to see how elaborate everyone else's becomes before I add any more to my little festive display. One lady has festooned her desk with santa type ballons and has had every one going past with imaginary pins threatening to pop the balloons only for her to produce at least 2 more big bags of balloons and the threat "Bring it on Sister!" Ah it's so lovely to work for a Christian organisation hehe. We do love our christmas here and the smarter ones of us have actually added some Christianity to our display with Nativity scenes etc as a visiting Pastor will be judging. None of us has any idea what the prize will actually be mind you!

Traditionally we also do a Secret Santa which myself and our payroll lady have organised this year. Once we draw out our Secret Recipient we are supposed to do secret little niceities to them. So far my SS has spoilt me rotten :) Every morning I find choclates, poetry, and a beautiful angel bookmark (seems my SS knows me well!) and this morning I received an advent calendar which is now staring at me daring me to demolish all 25 choclates! Ah I love Christmas *grin*

On the home front I have gotten lazy with Christmas now that the kids are all grown and have left home and are doing their own thing. On Sunday I bought a fibre optic tree which has 150 multi coloured lights so all I have to do is unfold it, plug it in and *voila* Christmas tree is up and decorated!

Sunday morning MM and I actually went shopping together to get another TV as he loves the big TV we got for upstairs but now he wanted a smaller version for downstairs in the office. The old one in there has died and he misses the TV there. We tried the Good Guys first and got a quote from them then off to Hardly Normal to see what their best price was and since we had already bought about 5 TV's there last month (ours plus his dad's and their neighbour and our son who all saw our TV and wanted one too!) we knew the guy there would give us a good price which he did.

Happily for MM the Surf Life Savers also had a sausage sizzle going so he was in heaven! He hasn't shopped in about 12 months as he hates it. In fact he has rarely left the house in 12 months and couldn't believe how much has changed in 12 months! So many new roads and shopping centres etc. He was like "that wasn't here before" and "they changed that". I was like "But sweetheart it's been there at least 12 months! You need to get out more!" We also bought some Blu-Ray DVDs to see if they were better quality than normal DVD's and the verdict is not really. We bought a bunch of choclate bars (tried to find Pollywaffles since they are going to be off the market soon and we love them but they were all sold out!). Silly us though left them on the coffee table overnight and all the cholates were like water next day from the heat!

On Sunday, while I was shopping for my tree and my award winning work desk decorations, a massive storm hit. As I was loading the tree into the car I got a frantic phone call from MM saying we just took a direct hit to the house by lighting! He walked into Mr 20's bedroom and it was a war zone. Because his bedroom holds the phone cable housing, the lightning some how blew it apart and shattered his room with bits of pvp plastic. There are scorch marks on the ceiling and on the wall and it actually shattered his TV. Thankfully he was out at the time as it could have been quite nasty had he been there watching TV on his bed as he usually does. So we have had no phones or internet since Sunday and the power we only got back Monday morning. MM reckons it sounded like an explosion and even he damn near shat himself. He raced outside thinking a car exploded or something only to find the tree beside the house split in 2 with a metre long gouge mark in the ground near the tree. He said all the neighbours came running to see what happened and that was when they smelt the smoke. MM was like "Oh crap" and raced back inside to find the mess in Mr 20's room. So yeah by the time I got home it was all done and dusted and we spent the rest of the afternoon ringing family and friends and customers via mobile to say our phones were out and that business was temporarily suspended as we had no power or internet.

As of 30 minutes ago when I rang MM at home, the Telstra guy was there fixing the lines and MM was arguing on the phone with the ISP as they were refusing to fix the internet saying it wasn't their problem and MM has to go through Telstra. The Telstra guy was saying no the ISP has to fix it so I'll let you know who came off worse for wear!

And life goes on...and on...and on...and...

I have been MIA for the past few weeks. Not for any particular reason other than my life has been DULL…DULL…DULL!!!! No point reporting on stuff that’s not happening so I hope you all missed me! Lol…

Work has had its moments. I really think it’s time for me to move on as the challenge here is minimal…it’s all become so routine and dull and it really is an effort to get out of bed, face the possibility of yet another train cancellation/break down/major stuff up and not to mention that it is so hot and I HATE the heat. Don’t bother talking to me when I am feeling hot and bothered unless you are happy to walk around missing major parts of your anatomy! MM thinks it’s hilarious that my mood is icy in summer but he now knows better than to laugh at me while I am in THAT mood. He reckons the tone of my voice while in THAT mood has been known to de-calcify the bones of even the toughest of people. Sheesh thanks babe…

In an nutshell…and I have to admit I don’t really remember much of what has happened over the past month…I have been working, spending weekends at mum’s trying to get her organised enough to sell the house, spending time with Miss 16 and trying hard to keep liking MM! No it’s not really that bad but at the moment I don’t have the patience to listen to anybody and because he is ALWAYS just there and wanting to talk he cops the full brunt of it. I will make it up to the poor baby but right now I need to be left alone!

One bright glimmer in the month that was, was Miss 16’s award day at the school. She won an award for her film she made in her Film and TV class at school. They entered the work of the school in the Cannes Film Festival apparently and her school got top marks. She won for Best Concept, Best Production and Best Editing. This is what she wants to do when she leaves school…get involved in photography and graphic arts and film and television. I’m helping her get her portfolio of photos together as she doesn’t believe they are any good but I think they are fantastic! Her art teachers have also told her she is very talented. So the best we can do at the moment is encourage her and help her believe in herself. The school has organised for her to go to TAFE one day a week next year to study photography when she is in Year 12 and she is very excited about this. This will go some way towards her eventual diploma. She has now decided to grow out the black in her hair and go back to her natural colour…Yay!!! Although she did her ears pierced a third time without telling anyone. I noticed straight away but mum only found out a couple of days ago lol. Her friend works in a piercing place and wanted the practice so she got them done for nothing.

MM was like a kid at Christmas recently when we finally splashed out and bought a 46 inch LED TV. We now have high def yeah! I have been watching GO TV and watching all the old programs…so funny…who needs to pay for Foxtel??? I also got a dishwasher finally…it’s been a few years without one and it’s nice to just load and walk away. No longer tied to the kitchen! Now I just need to hire me a chef to cook the meals yeah! As usual MM managed to talk the asking price down by a couple of hundred dollars enough so that we could get a TV unit as well to fit within our budget so it was all very cool. We really don’t watch a lot of TV but now with the new surround stereo system we also got along with blu-ray DVD MM is dragging out all the old DVDs and re-watching them and really the clarity is fantastic. We have been sitting there watching movies and noticing so much more than we did before. MM is taking great delight in picking up all the bad skin problems some actors have when they do close ups lol. He can be such a child but I love him bless his heart.

It's beginning to look a lot like...

...Christmas! Arrrrgh! Everywhere I go lately there seems to be Christmas stuff everywhere. Shops are stocking cards, and papers and food and decorations already. Westfield was actually playing Christmas carols last weekend which I considered to be absurd! Normally I love Christmas but this really puts me off and I refuse to be pressured into buying Christmas stuff in October. Christmas will be a low-key affair this year and I am working on putting in place some new traditions. It will be sad without Dad this year but I am determined to make this Christmas a much more personal and a little more special and give us some time to reflect on his passing. I have the perfect personal gift for mum and my brother and sister this year and I am stressing a little as I haven't finished and I still have a long way to go! I am typing up Dad's memoirs as he wrote them and the hardest part is trying to translate his writing. The beginning was easy and quite legible but as he got sicker it seemed he tried to get more and more down on paper so the writing is harder to read but I am determined to finish it! My idea is to create a photo book done by companies such as Harvey Norman or the one I am using is from a website called Snapfish who make up beautifully bound books and you use their templates to add stories and photos and they print it out on glossy paper and bound beutifully in a leather or fabric covered book. A friend from work did one for her parents and it is absolutely beautiful! So my mission is to get this done. Writing dad's stories has been very therapeautic for me...I've laughed and cried my way all through it and there are stories he has never told us before. Stories from his childhood and his growing years up until he joined the army and beyond. It will be a wonderful gift I think.

Hmmm...now the week that was...nothing much has happened...well maybe it has but was too insignificant to remember! I really need to make notes! Pretty much work all week...oh wait I did have Friday off as MM's niece got married! She had a very quiet, very private registry wedding then invited us all to The Era Cafe at South Brisbane for her wedding reception. That was really nice! She and her new husband are lovely. They just bought a house a month ago and now here they are, married as well. Very exciting for someone that age! The food was of what MM calls "the yuppy variety" ie no cheerios, sausage rolls or pizzas lol. Still very nice but classy kinds of hors doevres. And there was lots of it! The food kept on coming and everyone was like "no, no more!" The wedding cake was a 3 tier mud cake and very nice.

That morning I went to my favourite stores and bought 2 gorgeous tops that were on sale from Crossroads. I was meant to buy one to wear to the wedding but found 2 I liked and bought both! But being on sale I got both for $40 so that was a steal! They will be ideal for Christmas functions as well. Black and silver with diamontes all through...very pretty and I have to admit I think they actually looked great on me. If you check my Facebook page there is a picture of me at the reception wearing one of the tops. I bought a crocheted black top to wear over top of it as well so that's what I was wearing. I bought jewellery from Diva because I love their costume jewellery! And I had a black feathered fascinator for my hair...so yeah I looked pretty classy for a change!

Sunday I spent some time with my niece Miss 16. She wanted to show me some of her graphic art and asked my opinion. And all I can say is WOW! She is really really good. And I told her so. She was pleasantly surprised at my reaction because honestly they are the sort of pics I would frame and hang on a wall. She hadn't thought they were that good and was amazed that I was so wrapped up in them...think it gave her a bit of a confident boost. Her teacher wanted to enter some in a contest but she didn't think they were good but after knowing I think the same she is seriously thinking she should. She does Film and Television at school along with art and she is very good at drawing and manipulating pics on the computer and its the kind of work she wants to do for a living. I told she could easily work for a magazine or in advertising with that kind of art work and she didn't beleive that would be possible. I bought her a magazine yesterday devoted to graphic art and showed her so now she realises there is a market for that kind of stuff and it is inspiring her now to develop her talents more. She wants to go to TAFE when she finishes school and is excited to know she can do photography and graphic art there rather than going to uni. She also eventually told me she will be presented with an Art award at school on Friday. She didn't think anyone would want to go as friends and family are invited but seeing my excitement at her work she decided to ask me. I told her she wouldn't be able to keep me away! So Friday morning I will be late to work and will go and watch her be presented with her award. Dad was always proud of her artwork as he did art before he lost his hand and always encouraged her in her drawing. So she is really keen to make him proud of her. Will post some of her pics here when I get a free moment.

I am really proud of her...

It's hard to soar like an eagle...

...when you work with turkeys.

Well I guess it hasn't been that bad but some days people frustrate me and because I try to be a nice person I find it so hard to not let out inappropriate comments! My tongue is almost ripped to shreds I tell ya!

I've been having a "I really hate my job" kind of week...I don't really HATE my job... it's more that I am more than bored with it and really need the change but with the way things are presently I am not quite game to take the risk of leaving it and hoping that something just as good will fall into my lap. This job is not a bad one and it really does pay very well, so well in fact that my mortgage will be paid up in another 12 months or so which is the incentive I have to stay here at this job. The thing with me is that I have "3 year" cycles. No matter what venture I undertake in life, I get bored with things around the 3 year mark. I have been in this job for 4 years now and really need a new challenge as I have mastered everything and everyone else's jobs so nothing excites me anymore. So unless something really exciting happens or a new challenge pops up I am going to be feeling like I'm stagnating.

On Saturday my brother bought mum a Wii console for her birthday. Oh lordy they are so much fun! My brother, my niece, mum and I all played most of Saturday at 10 pin bowling and baseball and shooting. Didn't we laugh ourselves silly! It was the first time I had heard mum laugh since dad passed and she really had a great time so it was a lovely day.

Sunday I was at mum's again to continue with her de-cluttering. I spent over a month there now and we have barely made a dent! I cannot believe she has so much stuff! We went and bought some packing boxes to start packing stuff she wants to keep but is not using right now. She is really anxious to sell but the way the house is at the moment it's not going to be possible just yet. The back yard is an absolute nightmare...full of bindii and matter of weeds. Dad would cry to see it now...so neglected. He spent so much time out there...his yard and garden was his little patch of paradise. With all of us working though it cannot be helped and with the water restrictions the lawn, what's left of it, is looking pretty drab and disgusting.

Yesterday, Monday, was Mum's birthday so after work, MM, son and I wento to mum's for dinner. We picked up pizza on the way and played a bit of Wii, ate pizza, drank Ricadonna, had what was left of mum's birthday cake she bought home from work and just had a great night. One of mum's sister arrived not long after we did and another couple of her brothers and a sister also phoned her so I think she had a lovely birthday. She was a bit worried because it was her first birthday without dad and he always spoiled her on her birthday but I think we all made up for it and she never really had time to reflect on it. She said she had a really lovely day so I'm glad. Now to get through Christmas! *sigh*

Dum de dum...

Well here I am again...another Monday afternoon where work has quieted down a little.

My weeks lately have been rather uneventful and there's nothing that I can interest you with really! So today's lesson will be my experiences on Queensland Rail Monday through to Friday.

In the last 21 years I have lived in Brisbane and used the city rail network I have seen so many weird and wonderful things! I have realised that there are so many people out there with mental health issues who have slipped through the cracks and it appears they all travel on Cityrail!

I have had a fellow sit beside me on the train who insisted on wanting to tell me his life story and wanting to talk even though it was very clear I had my ipod on and was engrossed in my book. As a rule I don't mind chatting unless I am on the train. When I'm on the train I like to get into "my zone" and listen to music or catch up on reading. I had even politely told the fellow that I really wanted to finish my book and wasn't in the mood to chat and he was like "oh ok then" *big grin* then proceeded to merrily keep chatting away anyway. When I finally got off the train 45 minutes later with a whopping headache a lady who was sitting behind me came up and said she knew how I felt as she usually copped him! She had to end up being rude to him and he has never sat beside her since hence the reason I got him! It's sad as he most probably is very lonely but he was only a young guy, younger than me but obviously has not many friends.

Another time on the way home there was a very dirty, very smelly old man, who smelt like he had bathed in booze and urine at the same time and was sitting in a seat at the back. He had this old garbage bag on the seat beside him and was sitting staring out the window muttering to himself. The train arrived at Central Station and as usual at the end of the working day people poured into the train all desperate for a seat. A well dressed middle aged guy in a suit approached the seat the old guy was in (what was he thinking???) and said I'd like to sit there please and proceeded to move the old guys bag so he could sit. Well...it was like a bomb went off. "Don't you touch my f**** bag you f**** c***!!!" Suit guy almost pee'd himself escaping back down the crowded aisleway with the old dude swearing and cursing about the government and the cops and aliens and ranting and raving. Meanwhile the rest of the passengers were all trying to look away and trying to pretend to be somewhere else! By the way, a lot of people actually moved carriages because the poor guy really stank. I had a seat so decided to put up with the smell and the ranting...again thank god for the ipod!

I have shared carriages with a small group of aboriginal girls who were all squeezed together in a four seater and "chroming". You could smell it and that time I really did have to move or I would have puked and it was making my eyes water! One girl had the very obvious tell tale marks around her nose and mouth and all of the girls were swearing and cursing and if someone looked their way they started abusing them and saying "whachulookinat".

I hate travelling on the train Tuesday to Friday. The trains are always packed like sardines but I'm lucky because I get on at the main stop and the train starts here so I always get a seat. The problem though is that there is a very simple minded young chappy who also catches this same train and always ends up in my carriage. And he is the most annoying person. I think he also has a form of Tourette's. If the train is so much as a second or two late in leaving the platform he will start banging his head on the glass and start throwing around the F-bomb very loudly and making everyone around feel extremely uncomfortable. Us regulars now ignore him as we know he is not all there and thats just how he is. He has another simple minded friend who gets on at the next stop to ours who to his credit keeps telling him to "calm down" and "don't worry about it". But it is something he can't really control so we mostly put up with. Thank god for my ipod as that drowns him out completely!

But the most memorable guy was an oldish fellow who was quite large and when he got on the train was quite packed so he stood in the aisleway. Suddenly he raised his voice and started swearing and cursing atthe person who was standing in front of him. Now it wasn't the poor guy he was yelling at but more that this old guy must have seen his son in this guy and was telling him he was a loser and would amount to nothing. He was saying things like "I told once ya once I told twice all that satan music would get you nowhere...your a loser just like your mother" and so it went on. Then the chap would turn around and find another face in the crowd to start ranting at. After a while he'd get bored with that person and move on down the carriage to pick on someone else. Again very sad but you have to wonder why there are people out there with obvious problems who aren't getting the help they need. It's all very well for us to sit and giggle nervously about "the loony guy" but the numbers seem to grow every day. And sadly for me unless I change jobs and get a car park I will contiunue to have stories like this!

Ack! It's Monday Again!!

I swear someone keeps stealing my weekends. I go to sleep on a Friday night and when I wake up again it's Monday! Nooooooooo!

Since my last blog my life has been fairly uneventful. Miss 21 and I attended MM's niece's Bridal Shower last weekend. The first of the current generation of young things in his family to be married. It was a Bridal Shower/Tupperware Party so we were meant to buy enough to allow the bride to be able to buy things for her new home which she and her groom just bought. They will marry at the end of October at a Registry Office then we will all be attending a soiree at a nice restaurant at Southbank. Bride to be is a lovely girl and really the least expected to get married as she had never had a boyfriend until she turned 20 (she is 23 now) and this guy is "The One" and they do make a lovely couple so I hope they will have a lovely life together. She has never been one for a lot of attention so a quiet registry wedding is so definitive of her. He is also her first love so she is very lucky in that respect.

Thursday I had my follow up at the doctors to get back all my final test results and guess what?? Everything is normal! Yay me!!! Even my liver is fine although there is some fat there which can be helped with eating well and exercising (which is what I thought I was doing but anyway...) I have lost nearly 20kg since January and the issues I am having now is due to an underactive thyroid which medication is going to help with so all in all everything is going to be fine. I have to take 25g of Thyroxine which is half of the teeny tiny 50g tablet so I am having so much fun trying to split that little sucker in half!

My weekend was the same as it has been the past couple of weekends...time at mum's cleaning and de-cluttering...I never knew that woman had so much stuff! I don't think she realised she had so much either! At the moment everything is packed outside in the patio area until we hire a skip and then it is all going. All the old furninture has been broken up and ready to be dumped. Everything is so old and dad was always adamant it was all still good so he'd be pretty cranky that it's all going. Sorry Dad! There is no way mum will sell the house with so much stuff in it but already she is feeling like a weight is off her shoulders with it all gone.

The puppies are having a ball as well as they now have more play space although less hidey spaces to hide things! We have uncovered most of Coco's hiding places much to her disgust. The look she gives you as she retrieves her "treasure" to hide again is a classic. And she always makes sure Sasha is nowhere around when she hides things. She is such a funny little thing! I'm pretty sure Sasha was a blonde in her last life...she's very feminine but also quite ditzy and she gets very cranky when the teen next door plays his drums or has his band over rehearsing in their back shed. She stands at the back door and barks and growls. Then when they break she goes back to her bed until the band starts up again then over to the back door again to rouse on them. So funny! While this is going on Coco will be getting cross with Sasha and pawing her in the head telling her to behave herself. Sasha just doesn't like a lot of noise at all!

Another Week Goes By....

 

 

 

Well it's been a pretty hectic week or so for me...in fact I seem to have lost track of time with doctors appointments and tests, work stuff, spring cleaning my house, helping mum clean through hers and other social necessities.

My week pretty much started with my doctors appointment. She sent me off for blood tests and I think I told you that there were several areas of risk. She then sent me off to have a liver ultrasound done which I did on Wednesday followed by blood tests to test for thyroid and Hep B & C which was Thursday. I have yet to receive those results but they should come any day now.

Wednesday was also the day of the horrible dust storms in Brisbane. The photo above was taken of the end of my street. It was pretty horrendous and even though we shut the house up as tight as a drum, I could still taste and smell it...never want to experience that again in a hurry let me tell you!

Thursday I had my blood tests done then I went to keep my niece company as she is on school holidays and home all alone for almost the whole 2 weeks as everyone else is working and all her friends are off on holidays. Poor kid has been relegated to dog sitting but she is cool with that...as a typical teenager she has been sleeping till noon then on the computer or watching the Disney Channel all day! Life is good when you are a teen!

The said puppies are pictured up above. They look like perfect little angels there but trust me they are devils in disguise lol...actually they really are adorable but already have everything and everyone figured out and their little personalities are really cute. Extremely friendly at home...anyone who comes to house is greeted with happy little smiles and they tumble over themselves to get to you first...they really are typical sisters...very competitive and get quite jealous if you don't show them the exact amount of attention.

The white coloured pup is Sasha. She is the lady...very demure and not as rambunctious as her older sister but she loves to eat and will eat anything not nailed down! She is also the bigger of the two and is growing quite rapidly and is already getting frustrated that she can no longer fit into her hidey holes even though her sister can. They usually love to hide under the lounge but now poor Sasha can't fit under there and her sister can so when they fight her sister dives straight under and Sasha will sit on the outside and growl at her lol.

The little brown pup is Coco...she is the tomboy of the pair...she already has learnt to jump up on the lounges and jump from lounge to lounge. Quite the little acrobat she is...she is not likely to grow any bigger than she is now. She is already a very fast learner...has learnt to sit already and is very patient at meal times. Sasha is normally fed first as she gulps her food down but Coco will sit patiently by her bowl until Sasha gets hers and then will eat her meal very sedately and with more manners than Sasha. Coco is also the more intelligent of the two I think...we watched her the other day when Sasha had a bone that she wanted. Coco sat and watched her eat it for a bit then went and got a toy and sat the toy in front of Sasha and started to play with it...as soon as Sasha got distracted with the toy and dropped the bone, Coco had her paw out pulling the bone towards herself then picked it upo and walked off with it! Was hilarious to watch! She has a lot of cunning. Coco also hides her favourite toy or bones from Sasha then when Sasha has finished off all her bones, Coco will go and find her bone and sit in front of Sasha to eat it and gives Sasha a look that says "Keep away you greedy pig" lol...

They are lots of hard work but so entertaining to watch!

My Hot Date with Patrick a Few Years Back

 

*Sigh* sadly he preferred his beautiful wife Lisa...but I could still dream =)

Here we go again.....

...back to the grind of doctors appointments, tests, needles, medication and all manner of other horrible things that come as you get older and take less care of yourself than you used to... *sigh*

Got my test results back from the blood tests I had done last week and went back yesterday to the Doctor so she could give me my results. Let's just say if I was a dog I'd be put down! Well ok...maybe a slight over-exaggeration but needless to say it's going to mean a whole lifestyle change for me and well, I really HATE change...

My doctor showed me my test results on her screen and all the numbers were in RED...not a good sign apparently. I have: low blood pressure, high cholestorol, high iron content, underactive thyroid, high haemoglobans (not sure what that means but caused by high iron content apparently!) and liver disfunction. Great!! This doctor is nice...she is female and Indian so I do have a little trouble understanding her but I ask her to repeat and she is very patient and tries to explain everything to me. She is now sending me to have a liver ultrasound done and I need more blood tests done (yikes). She wants me tested for Hep B & C (Say what?) I tell her I don't do drugs, have only had sex with one man for the past 12 years so how could I possibly have either Hep B or C. She tells me it is highly unlikely but because of the high iron content she needs to rule everything out. Also she told me one of her patients actually got it from public transport...all it takes is to touch a spot of someone's blood with a paper cut on your finger and you can get it. Oh great...as if I don't hate catching the train already! So now I have to tell my boss I need more time off work to do all these tests. This is just the start...after the ultrasound I may need a liver biopsy and then a visit to a haematologist plus all kinds of assorted tests down the track. I told MM we needed private health cover! Anyway I really need to follow it all through this time. I have promised MM and myself that when this is all done we will go to Fiji in June/July next year...he seems keen on the idea and I think we will need it.

Oh and the good news is on top of that my doctor weighed me and I have lost 15 kilos since February...I was 85kg and now just under 70kg. No wonder my clothes are falling off me!

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner...RIP Patrick!

Just heard that Patrick Swayze has died...Oh my goodness how sad...one of the better actors of our generation and seemed to be a real gentleman...

People should not be allowed to hoard....

...Well ok...I know I am one of those people but no-one can be worse than my mum. Clutter must be her middle name because I swear she has never thrown out anything in her life...I have found stuff that she and dad had long before I was born...that's how old the stuff is. Why am I grumbling about clutter and hoarding? Well mum wants to move house. She wants to sell up and move to a smaller (hah!) house...one that is low set and doesn't have so many steps because her knees and hips can no longer tolerate all the steps. And I agree she does need to downsize. My parents house is massive - six bedrooms, double storey, upstairs/downstairs bathrooms, inground pool, quarter acre back yard etc...way too big for just her, my brother and Miss 16. So it really does make sense to move. She would love to stay but apart from the size issue she also can no longer afford the mortgage so she would need to sell the house for enough to pay it off outright and still have enough to move into another home and pay it outright as well. BUT in order to sell and make it look half way decent we need to de-clutter it. Every room has stuff in it and mum just can't bring herself to do it so she is allowing me to go in and be brutal and just clean from top to bottom! Yay...my favourite thing to do and I say that without sarcasm because I really do love to clean other people's places...can't stand to do mine but mum's house is a gold mine and I bet there's all kinds of groovy stuff for me to pick through!

Saturday was a non-starting day because I had promised to get Miss 16's hair done so mum, Miss 16 and I went to her favourite stylist so she could have her hair done before Riverfire that night. She was going out with friends and wanted her new hair. Three hours, many coffees for mum and I and $170 dollars later she was done. I nearly died when I was told $170...I have never spent that much on my hair in one year let alone one sitting! But it does look really good...it's died black with gold and silver tints through the fringe with the fringe cut on an angle...looks very trendy. The first time I saw her while she had foils on it looked so blonde and Miss 16 was really worried...it looked so white! But it really isn't very blonde at all so she is very pleased with the look. I grocery shopped afterwards as mum had to take Miss 16 to her friends house so they could catch the train to Southbank and meet up with friends. Mum and I decided to tackle her house the next day (Sunday).

I took my groceries home and after MM and I unpacked the car and put everything away we veged out the rest of the afternoon watching "True Blood" which MM downloaded for me. It's a TV show that is apparently big in the US and if you are into vampires like me, you will love it :) Very gothic and they must have had a small budget as some of the main characters stay naked a lot of the time and there's lots of boinking in it so really not suitable for anyone under 18! But it's kind of sucked us in and we are now up to Season 2 of the series.

Sunday was the day to head to mum's so I went over and we decided to start with the storeroom under the stairs because we reasoned that we can get rid of any junk in there and then we can re-pack what she wants to keep and pack anything else she is is not using right now that she wants to take with her. The storeroom was a huge task! I filled my car boot with stuff for the Salvos or Lifeline, there is another huge pile of junk that will go into the industrial bin I will order for the weekend and all the other boxes belong to my sister who was storing her stuff with mum so I rang her and told she had to either come get her stuff or dump or whatever but it had to go. She wasn't happy with that as her place is very small with little room but that's not my problem...Mum isn't going to be taking that stuff with her.

We've also decided we will have a garage sale as there is lots of really good stuff that can be sold to make extra pocket money for mum. There's all the baby cots/prams/high chairs etc that belonged to Miss 16 and mum was saving for me when I had kids (no chance of that happening now!). Plus there is a whole pile of gym equipment - exercise bikes, walking machines, bench press etc that also might make a few dollars - anything to get rid of it.

Just before I went home I dropped off the stuff to the Salvation Army holding yard and now we start on another couple of rooms next weekend. By Monday morning my muscles were killing me but I think mum will start feeling better once we get rid of all her junk. Once the place looks nice and tidy then we can put it on the market and when time comes to move she hopefully won't have so much.

Now my MM is starting to talk about us moving as well but after this I think I might leave it a while!

Oh my goodness I feel so bad...

...about forgetting Miss 16's birthday yesterday! Sweet 16 is such an important birthday and I had really wanted it to be special for her considering it's her first without her grandad. Even mum and my brother had forgotten until her best friend, who lives across the road and walks with Miss 16 to school every day, came over with a birthday present. Mum felt so awful and my brother actually rang me last night to subtley remind me it was her birthday. We all felt awful poor kid. But she said she didn't mind as she had received dozens of text messages from her friends all day but its kinda sad her friends remembered while her entire family forgot!

But I will make it up to her on Saturday as she really wants her hair coloured again but mum told she couldn't afford it so I have offered to pay for it for her birthday so she is absolutely thrilled as that was all she wanted for her birthday anyway.

Mum took her shopping after school yesterday and bought her a beautiful ring from her grandad because that is what he would have wanted to buy her and mum bought her some other jewellery as well to go with it which Miss 16 chose herself. My brother will take her shopping on Saturday after she gets her hair done and then she is heading off to Southbank with friends for the Brisbane Riverfire so I think she had a great birthday anyway.

I actually had yesterday off as well as I had my blood tests done as well as getting my eyes/sight looked at as per the doctors instructions. The good news is my eyesight is great...not perfect but not bad either so no glasses still for me...YAY!!! The blood test results should get to the doctor by Friday so I will call them up on Monday to make another doctors appointment and find out what might be wrong. Hopefully nothing too drastic! I have had no more dizzy spells so touch wood it may have been just a virus or something.

All in all though it's been a quiet week now that work has settled down again. Now we start planning for the next big 3 day conference in March next year...Bring it on!

Sunday...

...Father's day and our first without our dad. I woke expecting to feel all melancholy but surprisingly enough I got up feeling good about the day, wished dad a silent Happy Father's Day then went about my day. MM was a little grumpy but might have something to do with the fact that son left the house for the day without even wishing his dad a happy fathers day (he forgot). I decided to go out for the morning and went for coffee at mum's to see how she and the kids were coping with the day. They were doing okay and we just chatted about dad and Miss Nearly-16 asked us lots of questions about her grandad and we reminisced a little about what we kids used to get up to and all the trouble we got into with dad and mum lol...For some reason she loves these stories and she finds it hard to beleive some days that her Uncle and Aunty and mother were such horrible kids to each other at times lol. Dad never did the disciplining...it was always left to mum...she did all the spanking and yelling although I have had the sharp end of dad's tongue probably three times in my whole life and only 2 beltings from him when I did something particularly awful and I deserved it (one of those awful things was mowing down my sister on my bike...ran straight over the top of her I did! Boy did she howl!)

Miss Nearly 16 and I then went downstairs to run with the puppies and raided dad's strawberry patch and mulberry tree...man those things still taste good! The two of us were a sight with red fingers, teeth and lips and laughing at ourselves because we looked like Vampires...even the puppies were eating the ones that hit the ground so Sasha's white paws had these big purple blotches on them but they both had a real treat as well!

I got home from mum's to find Miss 21 and her boyfriend T visiting her dad for Father's Day which I am so happy about...it made his day to think at least one of his children remembered him! Many hugs from daughter later she and I sat and talked about stuff...She and T still haven't found a place to move into together and she is feeling a bit down about...MM and T were chatting about man stuff...it's good to see MM gets on with atleast one of his kids boyfriends. T is a nice guy...a bit quirky but because Miss 21 is so stubborn he knows how to deal with her so he is good for her. I like him anyway...

All in all was a nice day but I'm glad its over...

My Thought Processes....

...of late have been in a state of confusion. So much to do, so much to think about and there are days I just want to jump off the Gateway Bridge! Well I'm just kidding about the last part. For one I am a little afraid of heights and secondly diving has never been my forte and knowing my luck I would just do a massive belly flop which would really really hurt and it might not kill me anyway!

Friday 28 August, which I mentioned before would have been my dad's birthday, was really nice. I took the day off and mum also decided she would take the afternoon off work. She rang me early that morning to see if I would like to go with her on a couple of her appointments then we could do lunch. Sounded great so I took my book to read while she popped in to see a couple of War Widows who luck would have it lived along the waterfront at Redcliffe so I sat in the park to read while mum visited and she was done by 11:30am. So we decided to head to Scarborough and go to Morgans which sells the nicest seafood. They have a fish and chip restaurant there as well which is always crowded no matter what time of the day or week it is. It wasn't too bad when we got there so we grabbed fish and chips and drove down to the waterfront at Redcliffe and sat near the beach and ate our lunch. I had a photo of dad as well so we popped him up on the table with us just like he was eating with us and wished him a happy birthday then talked about the fun times we have had as a family...a few tears but it really was nice and I think for both of us it lifted a weight off our shoulders. We went for a short walk along the beach as well and it was just the perfect day.



Monday 31 August 2009

Today I was off work as I had another dizzy spell and decided I had better get myself to the doctors. So I now have a heap of blood tests to get which I will do this week as there was too much to do at work this week to get there. I also have a referral to the eye doctor just in case the dizziness is due to bad eyesight. My doctor tells me I also have low blood pressure which can be caused by stress but I will have everything checked out and I'll let you know what happens when I get the test results back.

Mum rang me that night to tell me she went and picked up dad's ashes. She has decided she wants him at home and she wanted to see if any of us kids want some. Apparently they will do pendants and such with ashes if family want them. I politely refused...She also got a letter from Veterans Affairs apologising for their earlier mistake and they are organising another plaque which will go up on the War Memorial Wall at Pinaroo. She also received a letter from the War Graves Commission who advised that dad is entitled to have his niche paid for in full as well which was nice to know. But I think mum is hell bent on keeping dad at home and it makes her happy so we will go with whatever makes her happy. She told me how just having dad's ashes in the car lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. She couldn't describe the feeling but she said she felt amazingly calm and no longer sad about him being gone. I like to think it was dad's way of saying thank you for letting him come home.

As for the other family, we are not going to worry about them at this point in time. We didn't know about them for 45 odd years so I think we will let sleeping dogs lie. If they decide they want to get in touch and know more about dad they are welcome to but I know I won't be searching them out. We don't love dad or mum any less for knowing...such is life...these things happen and playing the "what if..." game will get us nowhere. We were a family for 43 years, mum, dad, my sister, brother and I and that will never change.

Weekend of 5 September 2009

Well after weeks of planning our early childhood conference was held on Saturday. Myself and my colleagues all arrived early to set up and greet all the delegates and I must say it was a huge success. We got them all to complete evaluation forms and the response was extremely positive. It was a great job done by us if I do say so myself :) Because we all worked on Saturday we will get a day off this week and I will use mine to get my tests all done. I am so glad its all over. So much work goes into just one day!

Gasbagging!!!

...is what MM calls it when mum and I yak on the phone for 3 hours straight! Which is how long our phone conversation was on the phone last night! And we only live a suburb apart from each other! But my mum is my best friend and I have felt a little guilty at not visiting for the past couple of weekends. Mum had actually rung me as we still need to decide what to do with Dad's ashes as they are still at the funeral home and because they will only keep them there for 6 months we need to make a decision sooner rather than later. Originally we wanted to organise a niche at Pinaroo Crematorium as they have the War Memorial Wall there and as a serviceman Dad is entitled to have his interred there. So mum rang Pinaroo and they have told us it will cost us $1000 for a niche there and extra for the plaque. Now, the plaque we will get for free as Veterans Affairs make up the plaque with his name and service number and with the Rising Sun on it to represent his army service so the plaque is no biggie. The actual niche though is kind of expensive considering how much we have spent already. We can however keep his ashes at home and just have the plaque placed on the Wall of Rememberance at Pinaroo at no extra cost.

So now mum is wanting to bring Dad home and just put the plaque up at Pinaroo. She asked my opinion on bringing Dad's ashes home. She really likes the idea as that is where dad wanted to pass away, at home, but he never got that opportunity. But she won't scatter them because she is worried if she has to move house she won't be able to take him with her. I'm in two minds over the whole thing but as I told mum the decision is really hers to make and we will abide by which ever decision she goes with. In a way it could be a good idea as when her time comes she will be cremated as well and we can place their ashes together somewhere and she really liked that suggestion so I'm thinking that is what we will do.

Having made that decision, mum drops another bombshell saying she rang Veterans Affairs about the plaque and the minion there says she should have it by now as they had all the plaques engraved and mailed out a week or so ago. Mum tells them that no...she hasn't received it in the mail which has her worried that maybe it could have been stolen out of the mailbox as she hasn't been able to lock the mailbox for the last couple of weeks. Well, says the minion, we sent it out to such and such address to a Mrs Williams.

MUM: You sent it where? That is the name and address of my husband's first wife and they have been separated for over 45 years!

MINION: Oh, well that's where it went...we can send you another one then only it will take another 3 months or so when we do the next batch of plaques.

So yeah we still can't figure out why all his mail from VA comes to mum's address but something as important as a plaque has been sent to a first wife who he has had no contact with for the past 45 years! She had originally been listed as next of kin when dad was in the army 50-odd years ago...and going through the file they could see that had been changed to mum so how they got it so wrong we have no idea. Needless to say I am not impressed and it upset mum a little and hopefully it will come sooner than we think.

That conversation then lead on to mum telling me all dad's secrets...how dad had never divorced that wife and that mum and he were never married and she always worried about us kids finding out. I think mum was relieved to know that none of us kids are in any way bothered by that...he was our dad...pure and simple...but things started making sense to me as I always suspected there was something odd all these years as my parents never did anniversarys and there were no wedding photos etc. There were also kids from that marriage which was a surprise. Mum tells me there were 2 girls and 2 boys all a few years older than me. Which sort of explains another mystery as the family lived in Toowoomba for a long while and once when I was visiting Toowoomba I had 2 different people come up to me thinking I was someone else then when they realised I wasn't that person they would ask me if I was related to so and so...and I would be like Who?? I had no idea. So now it appears one of my sisters looks like me! Poor woman!

I think mum still worries about them coming forward and trying to stake a claim on her house but I have to keep reassuring her they have no claim to anything of dad's because 1. He has nothing but his clothes and old tools and 2. Most of it is in her name which is the way dad wanted it, no doubt in case of that very thing.

Mum says his ex-wife wanted nothing to do with him and he never again heard from any of his children although mum did say there was a phone call once from the youngest daughter a few years back and she must have tried to give dad her phone number because dad said "let me get a pen and paper" and he never did have a pen and paper in front of him and he never wrote anything down.

I have yet to decide what to do tomorrow as I have the day off and mum has said she might have the day off as well so maybe we'll go somewhere nice and quiet and talk about dad. The 28th would have been his birthday so I think it will be nice to sit and think about him and reflect on his life.

Is it Friday Yet???

Kitty?? What Kitty???

The Week in Review....

The weekend past was a quiet one as has been this week so there isn't much of any worth to blog this week. The weather here the past of couple of days has the feel of the middle of summer and yet winter hasn't officially finished yet! Yesterday was a scorcher and I would have given anything to sit in a nice cool spa and sip champers as a way to cool off! Ah well maybe in my next life!

Saturday I slept in which was a bad start for me as I had a plan for Saturday and that plan included me getting up really early to get all the housework done in record time then drag MM off to the local Westfield to get me a new mobile phone as the one I have has shat itself and I am so over having to keep charging it everytime I walk past it! The account is in MM's name so he has to come with me but because I didn't get the things done I wanted, I let MM off the hook and have decided to go get it next weekend.

Saturday was actually a lovely warm day, not too hot and not too cold and the perfect day to wash all the sheets and replace the winter ones with summer ones. I was able to open the whole house up and let in some lovely fresh air in without one of the housemates complaining about the cold! I love having all the doors and windows open and letting in fresh air. There is something vaguely primitive about have a fresh breeze flowing through. Unfortunately I also hate bugs so I usually have to close up early to avoid any of those horrible critters invading my fresh home :)

Sunday I actually did get up early and decided on an early morning walk to the bakery and newsagent (about 50 metres down the road so not too much of a struggle!). Being one of the first customers at a bakery is bad news for me...lovely, freshly baked bread and donuts and cakes and all things that can be treacherous for me! So I ended up buying for lunch a yummy cheese and bacon french loaf and 3 fresh cream donuts for morning tea (no, not ALL for me...unfortunately I had to share! )

MM and I decided to have some "us" time so we sat and watched a series of NCIS on DVD. So between the cream donuts, french loaf and the various lollies and choclates we had bought the week before, we had a thoroughly decadent Sunday! I felt a little guilty at being so lazy but what the hell...we rarely have time to just sit and do nothing so that's what we did. Was rather nice I must say.

The rest of this week has gone rather slow...work is quiet and at night when I get home I have been typing up Dad's book which is all in handwritten notes. A few years back I had bought he and mum a journal each and asked them to write in it everything about their childhood and anything they think we would be interested in. I found dad's journal the other day when we were going through his stuff and he has written loads! I am so excited...the first few pages alone have had me smiling and laughing at his boyhood antics...dad was a writer and a journalist in his post-Army days and his stories are brilliant! His handwriting is a bit of a struggle to read though so I am transcribing it all and will create a book for all the kids with his photos and stories. He also has a half finished manuscript for the book he always wanted to write but never got around to finishing...I may just try and finish it for him and have it published if only for the family to have a copy...will see how that goes.

Friday I am having the day off as it will have been Dad's birthday so I will be spending a day reflecting and just have some quiet time alone with my memories and think of all the happy times and counting my blessings for all the time I did have with him.

In My Dreams...

I wrote this on the train last night going home from work. I have been dreaming of Dad for the past few nights and it seems so real seeing him there and waking up feeling so bereft knowing that it was only a dream and he's no longer here. I know he is gone but the pain is still there and I know it will be there for a long time. Most days I am great and I can think of him without feeling sad at all and can even talk about him without wanting to cry but this week for some reason it's been harder...not really sure why!


In My Dreams

In my dreams I see you there…
Just out of Reach.
You smile, you wave and you open your mouth to speak
But I can hear no words and I struggle to listen.
Your lips move, soundlessly telling me you love us and miss us and are sorry you had to leave us.
I reach out, my arms wide, to hug you but you turn and move away…looking behind you as you leave and mouthing the words “Goodbye, love”
…And then you are gone and my pillow is soaked with tears of frustration and sadness that I have lost you again…
Until tomorrow night when I will see you again…
...In my dreams.

© Fiona Teale 2009

A Moral Dilemma

Back on the topic of my niece....I have a bit of a problem and not really quite sure how to handle it. I have discussed the issue with my hubby who agrees with what I think but I am still unsure if it is the best solution for all concerned.

As a quick background, my sister fell pregnant with my niece in her mid 20's. She was living in a squat with her then boyfriend, who was only 19 at the time and his brother and a couple of other girls. Neither my sister or her boyfriend were keen on becoming parents. He had a criminal record we discovered later as he and his brother did a lot of break and enters and I suspect my sister may have been involved as well although she was never caught and it was never proven. He was also a drug user, something my sister denies, but my brother was with him once and saw him shoot up which upset my brother knowing my sister was getting involved in this kind of stuff.

Anyway, Nic almost became an abortion statistic until mum and dad stepped in and said they would help her support the baby if she kept it. At this stage she was still living on the street with her boyfriend until one day they decided to move from Brisbane and go to Gladstone. So my sister, her boyfriend and his brother moved to Gladstone to live. They found a really cheap place to live in and the pregnancy progressed. My brother then decided to visit them for a few days hoping to check on my sister and make sure she was ok. The boyfriend was really a nasty piece of work especially on the drugs and what my brother found made him very angry. My sister was basically treated as their slave and wasn't allowed to eat until the men had and even then it was the scraps. The story gets worse but I won't bore you with the gory details. Let's just say the fact Nic was born a healthy baby is a miracle.

A couple of months before Nic was born, my sister made a tearful phone call to mum and dad to say the boyfriend had deserted her and she had no money, no food and was desperate. The boyfriend had also stolen her car which was never seen again. So mum and dad made a desperate dash from Brisbane to Gladstone to go collect my sister.

Nic was born just over 8 pounds and she was the most beautiful baby I had seen. My sister never again mentioned Nic's father nor is he included on the birth certificate

Now, for the hard part...a few years later my brother happened to run into Nic's dad in his line of work. This guy seemed to be a changed person, dressed nicely and mentioned to my brother he was getting married soon. Never once did he ask about my sister or his child and my brother didn’t tell him as he was still very cautious about the sincerity of this guy. My brother asked about the car and he said that my sister had told him he could have it as it was an old wreck anyway and he and his brother only got it as far as Rockhampton before the car died and they sold it for parts.

In the past few months, Nic has started to wonder about her heritage. She looks nothing much like her mother so it has her wondering. And my sister has never really got on with her daughter, I suspect because she looks so much like her dad. And she does. Her facial expressions are so much her father…she has the same sly look her dad got when he was being evasive about things, she has his eyes and even though I only met her dad a few times she really is the image of him.

The question is…do we tell her about her father? She has never asked questions about her dad or even if she had a dad. To her, my mum and dad were her parents as she was raised by them the past 16 years even though they were grandma and granddad to her. That’s not to say she may not have ever wondered…she just never asked any of us. And because so many of her friends come from homes with solo mums I think she figured it was a normal thing. One of her friends made a comment recently that she thought Nic was part Asian because she has almond shaped eyes which do give her a slightly Asian look. But then her dad has the same eyes. So she wanted to know why she didn’t have eyes like her mother. I really want to tell her she has a father and his name etc but without going into any details. I think she has that right. But what if she decides to go looking for him and decides she would be better off with him every time she and mum fight? I don’t want her to find out that her father never wanted her and beat her mother so badly so she would miscarry. True…he may be different now and he may be married with another family of his own. I don’t like secrets. It turned out Dad had secrets of his own which we didn’t know about until after he died and I don’t want her to go through that…always wondering who you really are.

I want to protect her and there could be things that she is still too young to know. I do know he had family in Toowoomba so maybe somewhere out there is another whole set of grandparents and cousins and uncles and auntys. I guess I am scared too of losing her. I just really wish I had some answers.

Teenagers = Demons From Hell!!

Now I know I was a teenager once but I'm pretty certain my head didn't spin in an anti-clockwise direction or screech out incoherent lyrics to songs about killing my mum/sister/dog/my ex and I didn't learn to write in code like today's SMS obsessed teens do! Ok...so a slight exaggeration maybe but I want to know at what point does a sweet, cute little 12 year old, who still plays with Barbie and sings and makes up dances to the latest Britney Spears/Hillary Duff songs with her friends, turn into a Dark Angel of Death, with her beautiful hair no longer resembling its original colour, with piercings in places I would never have dreamed of, hanging out with people whose idea of fun is cutting themselves and listening to dark, depressing music that would depress even Ossie Osbourne and Alice Cooper!

My gorgeous niece has become such a Dark Angel overnight. I swear it was overnight as it only seems like a short time ago that she was my adorable little girl who I could relate to and who hung on to my every word. She still loves our hugs (we have always hugged a lot) but now she has become more secretive and rolls her eyes more at things I or her mother or my mother say like she knows it all. Her friends now scare me and yet it wasn't long ago when she went to dance classes and had friends who were nice girls who come from nice homes and were just...nice. Now her friends come from...which planet I do not know and I'm sure there is very few human genes in there!

A few days ago I visited her. She will be 16 next month and since dad passed away she has started acting up and mum is having a hard time controlling her now. Now I am putting this down to her grieving over her grandad as they were very close and he was the closest thing she has ever had to a father who she has never known. But I digress and will explain more at another time.

Anyway as I was saying I visited on the weekend and my mum pulls me aside and says "Don't say anything but Nic has a piercing". Okay, I think...she has her ears pierced already twice and I figure she has had another one done. "It's in her lip"...oooookay...now I'm not too impressed. Maybe I am a prude but I really don't like the thought of young girls disfiguring themselves with piercings in weird places. The ears is fine...I have double piercings in my own ears but that is the limit of where I will go. But lips, nose, tongues, belly buttons and nether regions I think is plain insane and why ruin a gorgeous body with something so horrid. Anyway Nic gives me the usual "I love my aunty" hug and this time she turns her head away so I can't see where she commited her sin. She knows my views on piercings and tatts and knows I will be disappointed in her. I say nothing to show I disapprove and ask her instead if it hurt. She smiles and says yeah it did but her friends had told her it wouldn't hurt so she is happy to point out her friends lied about the pain.

Now mum drops another bombshell. "Nic is getting a stretcher put in her ear for her birthday" WHAT!!! I look at Nic and again she quickly looks away and returns to the safety of her friends on MSN. I ask her if she knows what happens when you put stretchers in your ear? She says it will be a small one and hardly noticeable. Now I know the school she attends frowns on this form of fashion but she says all the girls have one. And I have seen so many teens on the train with stretchers...some have holes so big they carry their pens in them! I also saw a guy in a suit once who must have had his stretchers removed and his earlobes dangled down near his shoulders with gaping great holes the size of small windows in them...NOT a great look.

Now top this with her hair being dyed black with lighter coloured streaks through it and heavy makeup which she wears to school with black eyeliner so thick she looks like a panda bear. She looks like one of the Veronicas. Very rock chick...I have to admit the look does look good on her but if she was 18 I wouldn't have a problem with it...but this is my little baby who I helped raise when her mother married and ran off leaving her with mum and dad. The beautiful little cutie who had copper curls and beautiful big lips that loved to kiss you. She still does tell me all the time she loves me and we text each other still wishing each a great day and with kisses and "I luv u" so I guess I am grateful for that. But I miss the other little girl!

So tell me, is it wrong to feel like I am losing my precious girl? I went through all this with Daughter 2 who we made wait till she was 18 to get her tongue pierced which she still has to this day. Nic is EXACTLY what Daughter 2 was. Daughter 2 has just turned 21 and is only now growing out of that stage so I am hopeful for that. The thing is, Nic still does have a big heart and I think she will always be the caring, loving girl she always has been. She is very popular at school and is always the first to stand up for what she believes in and if a kid is being picked on at school she steps in and stop any fights...and she is just a tiny little thing!

Before high school, teachers used to try and tell us she was autistic as she very rarely spoke to the teacher or grown ups and was so painfully shy and yet at home she was so outgoing around us and her friends. Now she is not afraid of anything and can speak to absolutely anyone and people just love her. She is fantastic at art and the teachers have got her a traineeship in graphic art which she wants to do when she leaves school. She is very artistic and loves photography and her drawings are wonderful...she wants to eventually work for a magazine or something.

Don't get me wrong...I am extremely proud of her and I love her to bits...she is the daughter I have never had...I was there the day she was born and I have been there for her ever since. She often tells me I should have been her mother as her own mother has little to do with her.

I guess mothers the world over try to turn back the hands of time and want to stop their little girls growing up. I just hope that Nic and I will always be close. I will always be here for her if she needs me. And I know I need to live with the fact that she is her own person and she is trying to find herself and her own sense of style BUT doesn't mean I have to like it!!

Bon Voyage!!!

Some people have all the luck...a 17 day cruise sounds like the ideal relaxing holiday to me...except that it isn't me! And I'm jealous lol...

Anyway I met up with an old school friend and her husband on Tuesday night who was visiting her doctor here before they were heading off into the wide blue yonder...on a wonderful sounding 17 night cruise. We don't catch up too often considering we live 600klm apart but try to stay in touch as much as possible. We have been friends since we were 15 or so...almost 30 years give or take a year or two! We always have a good natter when we get together and her hubby is funny as well so its always nice to catch up with them. We exchange lots of gossip and she tells me what's been happening in my old home town and gossip about people we used to go to school with. To be honest I don't miss the old place at all but I do like to hear what's been going on and who is doing what to whom lol. And yes guys one day I WILL come and visit you!

Yesterday, Wednesday, was People's Day at the EKKA (Brisbane Exhibition) so a public holiday for me! The weather was perfect and apparently, according to news reports, not too many people turned up! Now traditionally People's Day is a nightmare with wall to wall people and it is impossible to manouvre your way through the crowds, even worse for those mum's with prams and little kids who get dirty looks everytime their prams hit someone's heel. I avoid the Ekka like the plague. I'm not a show kind of person. Not only do you need to take out a second mortgage to take your family their but I have ALWAYS come home with the flu. The EKKA seems to be a breeding ground for all kinds of diseases.

So yesterday, instead of going to the Ekka I called up mum to see if she wanted to go for a drive. We usually spend the public holiday going to Tom's Confectionary Warehouse as he has his own show bags which are much better quality and have heaps of evil things in them like choclates, lollies and chips AND are so much cheaper than the Ekka Showbags. So mum, me and my niece spent a total of $120 between us in showbags and choclates!! Heaven!!

Spent the rest of the afternoon having coffee at mum's and playing with the puppies. I now have photos of them so will try and upload...I will eventually take video of them as they are so cute to watch. My niece and I spent about an hour just watching them wrestle and play and laughing over their antics. And of course, because they know they are being watched they will show off just that little bit more!

Anyway back at work today and now it feels like a Monday insteead of a Thursday and it has thrown my whole week out. Roll on Friday!!!

I HATE Officious Government Workers...My vent for today...

Arrrrrgh! Ok now that I have had my growl...this week has been one heck of a week work wise. Really busy and because I'm still recovering from flu this has made me even crankier than normal...read on if you dare!!!

Anyway the organisation I work for is a non-profit one and as such we rely on government funding to operate. Government departments know this so they love to hold us to ransom over many little things. Now I know they are doing their jobs and there are right ways and wrong ways to do things and I can accept that there are protocols in place otherwise there can be total anarchy. BUT!!! When you have a gazillion forms to fill in every day for every one of our 50 odd services all of which need to be signed by authorised people who usually are never in the office when you need an urgent signature, then sometimes you work out an easier routine that saves time and effort and is more efficient. All is good most of the time and I have developed a good rapport with most of the government people I deal with as we do the same stuff together all the time and we know what is expected of each other and we let some things slip by because we know between us that there is nothing fraudulent going on and they understand where we are coming from most of the time. UNTIL (like today) some officious little government moo cow (my apologies to all the innocent moo cows out there!) who obviously forgot to have her daily latte and prozac, decided that all the forms we filled in and had signed, sealed and delivered by Express Post on Tuesday, will need to be re-sent to us and resigned BECAUSE...(wait for it...) we had removed a staple when the document apparently clearly SAID staples must not be removed AND because one of our authorised signatories signed on the wrong line. It was still a signature line but apparently not the line he should have signed it on. It should have been the line below and now the whole process was ruined because of it and well the documents just have to be done again.

Now after speaking through clenched teeth to said moo cow and telling her that it was the line we had always signed on and had been done that way for the past 17 years by another lady who is still doing the same thing mind you and no-one had ever said anything before, I am beyond furious as it means our funding will be late. As for the staple removal, I told her it was agreed by other department staff that we could remove the staple as we wanted to copy and archive the documents for our records. Not a chance says she...the staple is there for a reason...what reason she couldn't tell me but as the document apparently says the staples MUST NOT be removed and no changes could be made to the document without prior notification then that is what we MUST abide by. Now both my boss and myself tried to find this little gem of information and for the life of us we cannot find where it says that and I spoke to the lady in this office who usually does the forms and well...I can't repeat what she said lol but she vented in a much more forceful way than I am right now! Perhaps the staple is what is holding their department together...who would know!

So now we await the return of the forms and will go through the whole thing again next week.

*Sigh*

Today is Sunday!

To wed or not to wed.....

Ok...so I am watching the Home & Away wedding tonight of Belle and Aidan (yes I know but I this is the only soap I really do enjoy!!) Having a bit of a cry (as I do!) at the drama it took for them to get to the altar, say their vows..yadda yadda yadda. Hubby is giving me sly sidelong glances as he knows I will be having a cry but luckily for him (or maybe he knows better now!) he says nothing. Then he asks when we will be getting married. We have been engaged about 10 1/2 years and every couple of years we talk about it and decide we can't afford it yet and there is really no hurry as we know we are committed to each other. We are best friends as well so it's all good. Our parents on the other hand have tried to subtley over the years to persuade us we need to do it sooner rather than later. Lately though hubby has been sort of dropping some hints too and saving money for us to go away for our very first holiday as a couple sans kids. So we are thinking we may just marry quietly in Fiji or one of the Whitsunday Islands or just somewhere with the two of us then throw a massive party for everyone later.

The trouble is it may upset our parents, but to be honest I really have lost my urge to be married since dad passed away as I know now that he will not be there to give me away and that upsets me deeply. I have been chastising myself the past month over not marrying while he was well and could be there for me and now of course it is too late. And of course hubby understands this which is why he is suggesting we go away by ourselves and come back married which would be nice. I am not really the big wedding type of girl. While other girls grow up dreaming of the perfect wedding, with the beautiful dress 20 bridemaids etc I just want a day that has me, my future husband and my close friends and family. On a beach barefoot...with my flowergirls releasing butterflies preferably at sunrise with a nice champagne breakfast. That's it...then off to a nice romantic island for the ultimate indulgence of my husband. So we will think more on it and decide in the next 12 months. Right now its too soon and some family relations are a little strained as Daughter No.1 will be absent as she and hubby no longer speak so that will make things awkward as well.

To be quite frank hubby and I are over all the fighting and bitching hence our need to go on a long holiday for a couple of weeks and perhaps just do something for us instead of us being there for everyone else and putting our needs last. As hubby says, the kids are all over 20 now and what they do with their lives is now completely in their hands. And now I tend to agree. Trouble is I have always been the peacemaker between hubby and his kids but now I think I have had enough and if they can't sort themselves out them I'm not either...they know where we live :)

So I think I will start making plans, suss out some nice wedding deals (I know Fiji does some great wedding things and they organise everything for you if you let them know in plenty of time). We had considered New Zealand but if go there my in-laws will expect us to visit all the rellos over there (hubby's dad is a Kiwi and his relatives all still live there). So again we would feel obliged to go visit grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins and before we know it our holiday will be over!

Families...can't live with them...can't live without them!