Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Gasbagging!!!
...is what MM calls it when mum and I yak on the phone for 3 hours straight! Which is how long our phone conversation was on the phone last night! And we only live a suburb apart from each other! But my mum is my best friend and I have felt a little guilty at not visiting for the past couple of weekends. Mum had actually rung me as we still need to decide what to do with Dad's ashes as they are still at the funeral home and because they will only keep them there for 6 months we need to make a decision sooner rather than later. Originally we wanted to organise a niche at Pinaroo Crematorium as they have the War Memorial Wall there and as a serviceman Dad is entitled to have his interred there. So mum rang Pinaroo and they have told us it will cost us $1000 for a niche there and extra for the plaque. Now, the plaque we will get for free as Veterans Affairs make up the plaque with his name and service number and with the Rising Sun on it to represent his army service so the plaque is no biggie. The actual niche though is kind of expensive considering how much we have spent already. We can however keep his ashes at home and just have the plaque placed on the Wall of Rememberance at Pinaroo at no extra cost.
So now mum is wanting to bring Dad home and just put the plaque up at Pinaroo. She asked my opinion on bringing Dad's ashes home. She really likes the idea as that is where dad wanted to pass away, at home, but he never got that opportunity. But she won't scatter them because she is worried if she has to move house she won't be able to take him with her. I'm in two minds over the whole thing but as I told mum the decision is really hers to make and we will abide by which ever decision she goes with. In a way it could be a good idea as when her time comes she will be cremated as well and we can place their ashes together somewhere and she really liked that suggestion so I'm thinking that is what we will do.
Having made that decision, mum drops another bombshell saying she rang Veterans Affairs about the plaque and the minion there says she should have it by now as they had all the plaques engraved and mailed out a week or so ago. Mum tells them that no...she hasn't received it in the mail which has her worried that maybe it could have been stolen out of the mailbox as she hasn't been able to lock the mailbox for the last couple of weeks. Well, says the minion, we sent it out to such and such address to a Mrs Williams.
MUM: You sent it where? That is the name and address of my husband's first wife and they have been separated for over 45 years!
MINION: Oh, well that's where it went...we can send you another one then only it will take another 3 months or so when we do the next batch of plaques.
So yeah we still can't figure out why all his mail from VA comes to mum's address but something as important as a plaque has been sent to a first wife who he has had no contact with for the past 45 years! She had originally been listed as next of kin when dad was in the army 50-odd years ago...and going through the file they could see that had been changed to mum so how they got it so wrong we have no idea. Needless to say I am not impressed and it upset mum a little and hopefully it will come sooner than we think.
That conversation then lead on to mum telling me all dad's secrets...how dad had never divorced that wife and that mum and he were never married and she always worried about us kids finding out. I think mum was relieved to know that none of us kids are in any way bothered by that...he was our dad...pure and simple...but things started making sense to me as I always suspected there was something odd all these years as my parents never did anniversarys and there were no wedding photos etc. There were also kids from that marriage which was a surprise. Mum tells me there were 2 girls and 2 boys all a few years older than me. Which sort of explains another mystery as the family lived in Toowoomba for a long while and once when I was visiting Toowoomba I had 2 different people come up to me thinking I was someone else then when they realised I wasn't that person they would ask me if I was related to so and so...and I would be like Who?? I had no idea. So now it appears one of my sisters looks like me! Poor woman!
I think mum still worries about them coming forward and trying to stake a claim on her house but I have to keep reassuring her they have no claim to anything of dad's because 1. He has nothing but his clothes and old tools and 2. Most of it is in her name which is the way dad wanted it, no doubt in case of that very thing.
Mum says his ex-wife wanted nothing to do with him and he never again heard from any of his children although mum did say there was a phone call once from the youngest daughter a few years back and she must have tried to give dad her phone number because dad said "let me get a pen and paper" and he never did have a pen and paper in front of him and he never wrote anything down.
I have yet to decide what to do tomorrow as I have the day off and mum has said she might have the day off as well so maybe we'll go somewhere nice and quiet and talk about dad. The 28th would have been his birthday so I think it will be nice to sit and think about him and reflect on his life.
So now mum is wanting to bring Dad home and just put the plaque up at Pinaroo. She asked my opinion on bringing Dad's ashes home. She really likes the idea as that is where dad wanted to pass away, at home, but he never got that opportunity. But she won't scatter them because she is worried if she has to move house she won't be able to take him with her. I'm in two minds over the whole thing but as I told mum the decision is really hers to make and we will abide by which ever decision she goes with. In a way it could be a good idea as when her time comes she will be cremated as well and we can place their ashes together somewhere and she really liked that suggestion so I'm thinking that is what we will do.
Having made that decision, mum drops another bombshell saying she rang Veterans Affairs about the plaque and the minion there says she should have it by now as they had all the plaques engraved and mailed out a week or so ago. Mum tells them that no...she hasn't received it in the mail which has her worried that maybe it could have been stolen out of the mailbox as she hasn't been able to lock the mailbox for the last couple of weeks. Well, says the minion, we sent it out to such and such address to a Mrs Williams.
MUM: You sent it where? That is the name and address of my husband's first wife and they have been separated for over 45 years!
MINION: Oh, well that's where it went...we can send you another one then only it will take another 3 months or so when we do the next batch of plaques.
So yeah we still can't figure out why all his mail from VA comes to mum's address but something as important as a plaque has been sent to a first wife who he has had no contact with for the past 45 years! She had originally been listed as next of kin when dad was in the army 50-odd years ago...and going through the file they could see that had been changed to mum so how they got it so wrong we have no idea. Needless to say I am not impressed and it upset mum a little and hopefully it will come sooner than we think.
That conversation then lead on to mum telling me all dad's secrets...how dad had never divorced that wife and that mum and he were never married and she always worried about us kids finding out. I think mum was relieved to know that none of us kids are in any way bothered by that...he was our dad...pure and simple...but things started making sense to me as I always suspected there was something odd all these years as my parents never did anniversarys and there were no wedding photos etc. There were also kids from that marriage which was a surprise. Mum tells me there were 2 girls and 2 boys all a few years older than me. Which sort of explains another mystery as the family lived in Toowoomba for a long while and once when I was visiting Toowoomba I had 2 different people come up to me thinking I was someone else then when they realised I wasn't that person they would ask me if I was related to so and so...and I would be like Who?? I had no idea. So now it appears one of my sisters looks like me! Poor woman!
I think mum still worries about them coming forward and trying to stake a claim on her house but I have to keep reassuring her they have no claim to anything of dad's because 1. He has nothing but his clothes and old tools and 2. Most of it is in her name which is the way dad wanted it, no doubt in case of that very thing.
Mum says his ex-wife wanted nothing to do with him and he never again heard from any of his children although mum did say there was a phone call once from the youngest daughter a few years back and she must have tried to give dad her phone number because dad said "let me get a pen and paper" and he never did have a pen and paper in front of him and he never wrote anything down.
I have yet to decide what to do tomorrow as I have the day off and mum has said she might have the day off as well so maybe we'll go somewhere nice and quiet and talk about dad. The 28th would have been his birthday so I think it will be nice to sit and think about him and reflect on his life.
Monday, August 24, 2009
The Week in Review....
The weekend past was a quiet one as has been this week so there isn't much of any worth to blog this week. The weather here the past of couple of days has the feel of the middle of summer and yet winter hasn't officially finished yet! Yesterday was a scorcher and I would have given anything to sit in a nice cool spa and sip champers as a way to cool off! Ah well maybe in my next life!
Saturday I slept in which was a bad start for me as I had a plan for Saturday and that plan included me getting up really early to get all the housework done in record time then drag MM off to the local Westfield to get me a new mobile phone as the one I have has shat itself and I am so over having to keep charging it everytime I walk past it! The account is in MM's name so he has to come with me but because I didn't get the things done I wanted, I let MM off the hook and have decided to go get it next weekend.
Saturday was actually a lovely warm day, not too hot and not too cold and the perfect day to wash all the sheets and replace the winter ones with summer ones. I was able to open the whole house up and let in some lovely fresh air in without one of the housemates complaining about the cold! I love having all the doors and windows open and letting in fresh air. There is something vaguely primitive about have a fresh breeze flowing through. Unfortunately I also hate bugs so I usually have to close up early to avoid any of those horrible critters invading my fresh home :)
Sunday I actually did get up early and decided on an early morning walk to the bakery and newsagent (about 50 metres down the road so not too much of a struggle!). Being one of the first customers at a bakery is bad news for me...lovely, freshly baked bread and donuts and cakes and all things that can be treacherous for me! So I ended up buying for lunch a yummy cheese and bacon french loaf and 3 fresh cream donuts for morning tea (no, not ALL for me...unfortunately I had to share! )
MM and I decided to have some "us" time so we sat and watched a series of NCIS on DVD. So between the cream donuts, french loaf and the various lollies and choclates we had bought the week before, we had a thoroughly decadent Sunday! I felt a little guilty at being so lazy but what the hell...we rarely have time to just sit and do nothing so that's what we did. Was rather nice I must say.
The rest of this week has gone rather slow...work is quiet and at night when I get home I have been typing up Dad's book which is all in handwritten notes. A few years back I had bought he and mum a journal each and asked them to write in it everything about their childhood and anything they think we would be interested in. I found dad's journal the other day when we were going through his stuff and he has written loads! I am so excited...the first few pages alone have had me smiling and laughing at his boyhood antics...dad was a writer and a journalist in his post-Army days and his stories are brilliant! His handwriting is a bit of a struggle to read though so I am transcribing it all and will create a book for all the kids with his photos and stories. He also has a half finished manuscript for the book he always wanted to write but never got around to finishing...I may just try and finish it for him and have it published if only for the family to have a copy...will see how that goes.
Friday I am having the day off as it will have been Dad's birthday so I will be spending a day reflecting and just have some quiet time alone with my memories and think of all the happy times and counting my blessings for all the time I did have with him.
Saturday I slept in which was a bad start for me as I had a plan for Saturday and that plan included me getting up really early to get all the housework done in record time then drag MM off to the local Westfield to get me a new mobile phone as the one I have has shat itself and I am so over having to keep charging it everytime I walk past it! The account is in MM's name so he has to come with me but because I didn't get the things done I wanted, I let MM off the hook and have decided to go get it next weekend.
Saturday was actually a lovely warm day, not too hot and not too cold and the perfect day to wash all the sheets and replace the winter ones with summer ones. I was able to open the whole house up and let in some lovely fresh air in without one of the housemates complaining about the cold! I love having all the doors and windows open and letting in fresh air. There is something vaguely primitive about have a fresh breeze flowing through. Unfortunately I also hate bugs so I usually have to close up early to avoid any of those horrible critters invading my fresh home :)
Sunday I actually did get up early and decided on an early morning walk to the bakery and newsagent (about 50 metres down the road so not too much of a struggle!). Being one of the first customers at a bakery is bad news for me...lovely, freshly baked bread and donuts and cakes and all things that can be treacherous for me! So I ended up buying for lunch a yummy cheese and bacon french loaf and 3 fresh cream donuts for morning tea (no, not ALL for me...unfortunately I had to share! )
MM and I decided to have some "us" time so we sat and watched a series of NCIS on DVD. So between the cream donuts, french loaf and the various lollies and choclates we had bought the week before, we had a thoroughly decadent Sunday! I felt a little guilty at being so lazy but what the hell...we rarely have time to just sit and do nothing so that's what we did. Was rather nice I must say.
The rest of this week has gone rather slow...work is quiet and at night when I get home I have been typing up Dad's book which is all in handwritten notes. A few years back I had bought he and mum a journal each and asked them to write in it everything about their childhood and anything they think we would be interested in. I found dad's journal the other day when we were going through his stuff and he has written loads! I am so excited...the first few pages alone have had me smiling and laughing at his boyhood antics...dad was a writer and a journalist in his post-Army days and his stories are brilliant! His handwriting is a bit of a struggle to read though so I am transcribing it all and will create a book for all the kids with his photos and stories. He also has a half finished manuscript for the book he always wanted to write but never got around to finishing...I may just try and finish it for him and have it published if only for the family to have a copy...will see how that goes.
Friday I am having the day off as it will have been Dad's birthday so I will be spending a day reflecting and just have some quiet time alone with my memories and think of all the happy times and counting my blessings for all the time I did have with him.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
In My Dreams...
I wrote this on the train last night going home from work. I have been dreaming of Dad for the past few nights and it seems so real seeing him there and waking up feeling so bereft knowing that it was only a dream and he's no longer here. I know he is gone but the pain is still there and I know it will be there for a long time. Most days I am great and I can think of him without feeling sad at all and can even talk about him without wanting to cry but this week for some reason it's been harder...not really sure why!
In My Dreams
In my dreams I see you there…
Just out of Reach.
You smile, you wave and you open your mouth to speak
But I can hear no words and I struggle to listen.
Your lips move, soundlessly telling me you love us and miss us and are sorry you had to leave us.
I reach out, my arms wide, to hug you but you turn and move away…looking behind you as you leave and mouthing the words “Goodbye, love”
…And then you are gone and my pillow is soaked with tears of frustration and sadness that I have lost you again…
Until tomorrow night when I will see you again…
...In my dreams.
© Fiona Teale 2009
In My Dreams
In my dreams I see you there…
Just out of Reach.
You smile, you wave and you open your mouth to speak
But I can hear no words and I struggle to listen.
Your lips move, soundlessly telling me you love us and miss us and are sorry you had to leave us.
I reach out, my arms wide, to hug you but you turn and move away…looking behind you as you leave and mouthing the words “Goodbye, love”
…And then you are gone and my pillow is soaked with tears of frustration and sadness that I have lost you again…
Until tomorrow night when I will see you again…
...In my dreams.
© Fiona Teale 2009
A Moral Dilemma
Back on the topic of my niece....I have a bit of a problem and not really quite sure how to handle it. I have discussed the issue with my hubby who agrees with what I think but I am still unsure if it is the best solution for all concerned.
As a quick background, my sister fell pregnant with my niece in her mid 20's. She was living in a squat with her then boyfriend, who was only 19 at the time and his brother and a couple of other girls. Neither my sister or her boyfriend were keen on becoming parents. He had a criminal record we discovered later as he and his brother did a lot of break and enters and I suspect my sister may have been involved as well although she was never caught and it was never proven. He was also a drug user, something my sister denies, but my brother was with him once and saw him shoot up which upset my brother knowing my sister was getting involved in this kind of stuff.
Anyway, Nic almost became an abortion statistic until mum and dad stepped in and said they would help her support the baby if she kept it. At this stage she was still living on the street with her boyfriend until one day they decided to move from Brisbane and go to Gladstone. So my sister, her boyfriend and his brother moved to Gladstone to live. They found a really cheap place to live in and the pregnancy progressed. My brother then decided to visit them for a few days hoping to check on my sister and make sure she was ok. The boyfriend was really a nasty piece of work especially on the drugs and what my brother found made him very angry. My sister was basically treated as their slave and wasn't allowed to eat until the men had and even then it was the scraps. The story gets worse but I won't bore you with the gory details. Let's just say the fact Nic was born a healthy baby is a miracle.
A couple of months before Nic was born, my sister made a tearful phone call to mum and dad to say the boyfriend had deserted her and she had no money, no food and was desperate. The boyfriend had also stolen her car which was never seen again. So mum and dad made a desperate dash from Brisbane to Gladstone to go collect my sister.
Nic was born just over 8 pounds and she was the most beautiful baby I had seen. My sister never again mentioned Nic's father nor is he included on the birth certificate
Now, for the hard part...a few years later my brother happened to run into Nic's dad in his line of work. This guy seemed to be a changed person, dressed nicely and mentioned to my brother he was getting married soon. Never once did he ask about my sister or his child and my brother didn’t tell him as he was still very cautious about the sincerity of this guy. My brother asked about the car and he said that my sister had told him he could have it as it was an old wreck anyway and he and his brother only got it as far as Rockhampton before the car died and they sold it for parts.
In the past few months, Nic has started to wonder about her heritage. She looks nothing much like her mother so it has her wondering. And my sister has never really got on with her daughter, I suspect because she looks so much like her dad. And she does. Her facial expressions are so much her father…she has the same sly look her dad got when he was being evasive about things, she has his eyes and even though I only met her dad a few times she really is the image of him.
The question is…do we tell her about her father? She has never asked questions about her dad or even if she had a dad. To her, my mum and dad were her parents as she was raised by them the past 16 years even though they were grandma and granddad to her. That’s not to say she may not have ever wondered…she just never asked any of us. And because so many of her friends come from homes with solo mums I think she figured it was a normal thing. One of her friends made a comment recently that she thought Nic was part Asian because she has almond shaped eyes which do give her a slightly Asian look. But then her dad has the same eyes. So she wanted to know why she didn’t have eyes like her mother. I really want to tell her she has a father and his name etc but without going into any details. I think she has that right. But what if she decides to go looking for him and decides she would be better off with him every time she and mum fight? I don’t want her to find out that her father never wanted her and beat her mother so badly so she would miscarry. True…he may be different now and he may be married with another family of his own. I don’t like secrets. It turned out Dad had secrets of his own which we didn’t know about until after he died and I don’t want her to go through that…always wondering who you really are.
I want to protect her and there could be things that she is still too young to know. I do know he had family in Toowoomba so maybe somewhere out there is another whole set of grandparents and cousins and uncles and auntys. I guess I am scared too of losing her. I just really wish I had some answers.
As a quick background, my sister fell pregnant with my niece in her mid 20's. She was living in a squat with her then boyfriend, who was only 19 at the time and his brother and a couple of other girls. Neither my sister or her boyfriend were keen on becoming parents. He had a criminal record we discovered later as he and his brother did a lot of break and enters and I suspect my sister may have been involved as well although she was never caught and it was never proven. He was also a drug user, something my sister denies, but my brother was with him once and saw him shoot up which upset my brother knowing my sister was getting involved in this kind of stuff.
Anyway, Nic almost became an abortion statistic until mum and dad stepped in and said they would help her support the baby if she kept it. At this stage she was still living on the street with her boyfriend until one day they decided to move from Brisbane and go to Gladstone. So my sister, her boyfriend and his brother moved to Gladstone to live. They found a really cheap place to live in and the pregnancy progressed. My brother then decided to visit them for a few days hoping to check on my sister and make sure she was ok. The boyfriend was really a nasty piece of work especially on the drugs and what my brother found made him very angry. My sister was basically treated as their slave and wasn't allowed to eat until the men had and even then it was the scraps. The story gets worse but I won't bore you with the gory details. Let's just say the fact Nic was born a healthy baby is a miracle.
A couple of months before Nic was born, my sister made a tearful phone call to mum and dad to say the boyfriend had deserted her and she had no money, no food and was desperate. The boyfriend had also stolen her car which was never seen again. So mum and dad made a desperate dash from Brisbane to Gladstone to go collect my sister.
Nic was born just over 8 pounds and she was the most beautiful baby I had seen. My sister never again mentioned Nic's father nor is he included on the birth certificate
Now, for the hard part...a few years later my brother happened to run into Nic's dad in his line of work. This guy seemed to be a changed person, dressed nicely and mentioned to my brother he was getting married soon. Never once did he ask about my sister or his child and my brother didn’t tell him as he was still very cautious about the sincerity of this guy. My brother asked about the car and he said that my sister had told him he could have it as it was an old wreck anyway and he and his brother only got it as far as Rockhampton before the car died and they sold it for parts.
In the past few months, Nic has started to wonder about her heritage. She looks nothing much like her mother so it has her wondering. And my sister has never really got on with her daughter, I suspect because she looks so much like her dad. And she does. Her facial expressions are so much her father…she has the same sly look her dad got when he was being evasive about things, she has his eyes and even though I only met her dad a few times she really is the image of him.
The question is…do we tell her about her father? She has never asked questions about her dad or even if she had a dad. To her, my mum and dad were her parents as she was raised by them the past 16 years even though they were grandma and granddad to her. That’s not to say she may not have ever wondered…she just never asked any of us. And because so many of her friends come from homes with solo mums I think she figured it was a normal thing. One of her friends made a comment recently that she thought Nic was part Asian because she has almond shaped eyes which do give her a slightly Asian look. But then her dad has the same eyes. So she wanted to know why she didn’t have eyes like her mother. I really want to tell her she has a father and his name etc but without going into any details. I think she has that right. But what if she decides to go looking for him and decides she would be better off with him every time she and mum fight? I don’t want her to find out that her father never wanted her and beat her mother so badly so she would miscarry. True…he may be different now and he may be married with another family of his own. I don’t like secrets. It turned out Dad had secrets of his own which we didn’t know about until after he died and I don’t want her to go through that…always wondering who you really are.
I want to protect her and there could be things that she is still too young to know. I do know he had family in Toowoomba so maybe somewhere out there is another whole set of grandparents and cousins and uncles and auntys. I guess I am scared too of losing her. I just really wish I had some answers.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Teenagers = Demons From Hell!!
Now I know I was a teenager once but I'm pretty certain my head didn't spin in an anti-clockwise direction or screech out incoherent lyrics to songs about killing my mum/sister/dog/my ex and I didn't learn to write in code like today's SMS obsessed teens do! Ok...so a slight exaggeration maybe but I want to know at what point does a sweet, cute little 12 year old, who still plays with Barbie and sings and makes up dances to the latest Britney Spears/Hillary Duff songs with her friends, turn into a Dark Angel of Death, with her beautiful hair no longer resembling its original colour, with piercings in places I would never have dreamed of, hanging out with people whose idea of fun is cutting themselves and listening to dark, depressing music that would depress even Ossie Osbourne and Alice Cooper!
My gorgeous niece has become such a Dark Angel overnight. I swear it was overnight as it only seems like a short time ago that she was my adorable little girl who I could relate to and who hung on to my every word. She still loves our hugs (we have always hugged a lot) but now she has become more secretive and rolls her eyes more at things I or her mother or my mother say like she knows it all. Her friends now scare me and yet it wasn't long ago when she went to dance classes and had friends who were nice girls who come from nice homes and were just...nice. Now her friends come from...which planet I do not know and I'm sure there is very few human genes in there!
A few days ago I visited her. She will be 16 next month and since dad passed away she has started acting up and mum is having a hard time controlling her now. Now I am putting this down to her grieving over her grandad as they were very close and he was the closest thing she has ever had to a father who she has never known. But I digress and will explain more at another time.
Anyway as I was saying I visited on the weekend and my mum pulls me aside and says "Don't say anything but Nic has a piercing". Okay, I think...she has her ears pierced already twice and I figure she has had another one done. "It's in her lip"...oooookay...now I'm not too impressed. Maybe I am a prude but I really don't like the thought of young girls disfiguring themselves with piercings in weird places. The ears is fine...I have double piercings in my own ears but that is the limit of where I will go. But lips, nose, tongues, belly buttons and nether regions I think is plain insane and why ruin a gorgeous body with something so horrid. Anyway Nic gives me the usual "I love my aunty" hug and this time she turns her head away so I can't see where she commited her sin. She knows my views on piercings and tatts and knows I will be disappointed in her. I say nothing to show I disapprove and ask her instead if it hurt. She smiles and says yeah it did but her friends had told her it wouldn't hurt so she is happy to point out her friends lied about the pain.
Now mum drops another bombshell. "Nic is getting a stretcher put in her ear for her birthday" WHAT!!! I look at Nic and again she quickly looks away and returns to the safety of her friends on MSN. I ask her if she knows what happens when you put stretchers in your ear? She says it will be a small one and hardly noticeable. Now I know the school she attends frowns on this form of fashion but she says all the girls have one. And I have seen so many teens on the train with stretchers...some have holes so big they carry their pens in them! I also saw a guy in a suit once who must have had his stretchers removed and his earlobes dangled down near his shoulders with gaping great holes the size of small windows in them...NOT a great look.
Now top this with her hair being dyed black with lighter coloured streaks through it and heavy makeup which she wears to school with black eyeliner so thick she looks like a panda bear. She looks like one of the Veronicas. Very rock chick...I have to admit the look does look good on her but if she was 18 I wouldn't have a problem with it...but this is my little baby who I helped raise when her mother married and ran off leaving her with mum and dad. The beautiful little cutie who had copper curls and beautiful big lips that loved to kiss you. She still does tell me all the time she loves me and we text each other still wishing each a great day and with kisses and "I luv u" so I guess I am grateful for that. But I miss the other little girl!
So tell me, is it wrong to feel like I am losing my precious girl? I went through all this with Daughter 2 who we made wait till she was 18 to get her tongue pierced which she still has to this day. Nic is EXACTLY what Daughter 2 was. Daughter 2 has just turned 21 and is only now growing out of that stage so I am hopeful for that. The thing is, Nic still does have a big heart and I think she will always be the caring, loving girl she always has been. She is very popular at school and is always the first to stand up for what she believes in and if a kid is being picked on at school she steps in and stop any fights...and she is just a tiny little thing!
Before high school, teachers used to try and tell us she was autistic as she very rarely spoke to the teacher or grown ups and was so painfully shy and yet at home she was so outgoing around us and her friends. Now she is not afraid of anything and can speak to absolutely anyone and people just love her. She is fantastic at art and the teachers have got her a traineeship in graphic art which she wants to do when she leaves school. She is very artistic and loves photography and her drawings are wonderful...she wants to eventually work for a magazine or something.
Don't get me wrong...I am extremely proud of her and I love her to bits...she is the daughter I have never had...I was there the day she was born and I have been there for her ever since. She often tells me I should have been her mother as her own mother has little to do with her.
I guess mothers the world over try to turn back the hands of time and want to stop their little girls growing up. I just hope that Nic and I will always be close. I will always be here for her if she needs me. And I know I need to live with the fact that she is her own person and she is trying to find herself and her own sense of style BUT doesn't mean I have to like it!!
My gorgeous niece has become such a Dark Angel overnight. I swear it was overnight as it only seems like a short time ago that she was my adorable little girl who I could relate to and who hung on to my every word. She still loves our hugs (we have always hugged a lot) but now she has become more secretive and rolls her eyes more at things I or her mother or my mother say like she knows it all. Her friends now scare me and yet it wasn't long ago when she went to dance classes and had friends who were nice girls who come from nice homes and were just...nice. Now her friends come from...which planet I do not know and I'm sure there is very few human genes in there!
A few days ago I visited her. She will be 16 next month and since dad passed away she has started acting up and mum is having a hard time controlling her now. Now I am putting this down to her grieving over her grandad as they were very close and he was the closest thing she has ever had to a father who she has never known. But I digress and will explain more at another time.
Anyway as I was saying I visited on the weekend and my mum pulls me aside and says "Don't say anything but Nic has a piercing". Okay, I think...she has her ears pierced already twice and I figure she has had another one done. "It's in her lip"...oooookay...now I'm not too impressed. Maybe I am a prude but I really don't like the thought of young girls disfiguring themselves with piercings in weird places. The ears is fine...I have double piercings in my own ears but that is the limit of where I will go. But lips, nose, tongues, belly buttons and nether regions I think is plain insane and why ruin a gorgeous body with something so horrid. Anyway Nic gives me the usual "I love my aunty" hug and this time she turns her head away so I can't see where she commited her sin. She knows my views on piercings and tatts and knows I will be disappointed in her. I say nothing to show I disapprove and ask her instead if it hurt. She smiles and says yeah it did but her friends had told her it wouldn't hurt so she is happy to point out her friends lied about the pain.
Now mum drops another bombshell. "Nic is getting a stretcher put in her ear for her birthday" WHAT!!! I look at Nic and again she quickly looks away and returns to the safety of her friends on MSN. I ask her if she knows what happens when you put stretchers in your ear? She says it will be a small one and hardly noticeable. Now I know the school she attends frowns on this form of fashion but she says all the girls have one. And I have seen so many teens on the train with stretchers...some have holes so big they carry their pens in them! I also saw a guy in a suit once who must have had his stretchers removed and his earlobes dangled down near his shoulders with gaping great holes the size of small windows in them...NOT a great look.
Now top this with her hair being dyed black with lighter coloured streaks through it and heavy makeup which she wears to school with black eyeliner so thick she looks like a panda bear. She looks like one of the Veronicas. Very rock chick...I have to admit the look does look good on her but if she was 18 I wouldn't have a problem with it...but this is my little baby who I helped raise when her mother married and ran off leaving her with mum and dad. The beautiful little cutie who had copper curls and beautiful big lips that loved to kiss you. She still does tell me all the time she loves me and we text each other still wishing each a great day and with kisses and "I luv u" so I guess I am grateful for that. But I miss the other little girl!
So tell me, is it wrong to feel like I am losing my precious girl? I went through all this with Daughter 2 who we made wait till she was 18 to get her tongue pierced which she still has to this day. Nic is EXACTLY what Daughter 2 was. Daughter 2 has just turned 21 and is only now growing out of that stage so I am hopeful for that. The thing is, Nic still does have a big heart and I think she will always be the caring, loving girl she always has been. She is very popular at school and is always the first to stand up for what she believes in and if a kid is being picked on at school she steps in and stop any fights...and she is just a tiny little thing!
Before high school, teachers used to try and tell us she was autistic as she very rarely spoke to the teacher or grown ups and was so painfully shy and yet at home she was so outgoing around us and her friends. Now she is not afraid of anything and can speak to absolutely anyone and people just love her. She is fantastic at art and the teachers have got her a traineeship in graphic art which she wants to do when she leaves school. She is very artistic and loves photography and her drawings are wonderful...she wants to eventually work for a magazine or something.
Don't get me wrong...I am extremely proud of her and I love her to bits...she is the daughter I have never had...I was there the day she was born and I have been there for her ever since. She often tells me I should have been her mother as her own mother has little to do with her.
I guess mothers the world over try to turn back the hands of time and want to stop their little girls growing up. I just hope that Nic and I will always be close. I will always be here for her if she needs me. And I know I need to live with the fact that she is her own person and she is trying to find herself and her own sense of style BUT doesn't mean I have to like it!!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Bon Voyage!!!
Some people have all the luck...a 17 day cruise sounds like the ideal relaxing holiday to me...except that it isn't me! And I'm jealous lol...
Anyway I met up with an old school friend and her husband on Tuesday night who was visiting her doctor here before they were heading off into the wide blue yonder...on a wonderful sounding 17 night cruise. We don't catch up too often considering we live 600klm apart but try to stay in touch as much as possible. We have been friends since we were 15 or so...almost 30 years give or take a year or two! We always have a good natter when we get together and her hubby is funny as well so its always nice to catch up with them. We exchange lots of gossip and she tells me what's been happening in my old home town and gossip about people we used to go to school with. To be honest I don't miss the old place at all but I do like to hear what's been going on and who is doing what to whom lol. And yes guys one day I WILL come and visit you!
Yesterday, Wednesday, was People's Day at the EKKA (Brisbane Exhibition) so a public holiday for me! The weather was perfect and apparently, according to news reports, not too many people turned up! Now traditionally People's Day is a nightmare with wall to wall people and it is impossible to manouvre your way through the crowds, even worse for those mum's with prams and little kids who get dirty looks everytime their prams hit someone's heel. I avoid the Ekka like the plague. I'm not a show kind of person. Not only do you need to take out a second mortgage to take your family their but I have ALWAYS come home with the flu. The EKKA seems to be a breeding ground for all kinds of diseases.
So yesterday, instead of going to the Ekka I called up mum to see if she wanted to go for a drive. We usually spend the public holiday going to Tom's Confectionary Warehouse as he has his own show bags which are much better quality and have heaps of evil things in them like choclates, lollies and chips AND are so much cheaper than the Ekka Showbags. So mum, me and my niece spent a total of $120 between us in showbags and choclates!! Heaven!!
Spent the rest of the afternoon having coffee at mum's and playing with the puppies. I now have photos of them so will try and upload...I will eventually take video of them as they are so cute to watch. My niece and I spent about an hour just watching them wrestle and play and laughing over their antics. And of course, because they know they are being watched they will show off just that little bit more!
Anyway back at work today and now it feels like a Monday insteead of a Thursday and it has thrown my whole week out. Roll on Friday!!!
Anyway I met up with an old school friend and her husband on Tuesday night who was visiting her doctor here before they were heading off into the wide blue yonder...on a wonderful sounding 17 night cruise. We don't catch up too often considering we live 600klm apart but try to stay in touch as much as possible. We have been friends since we were 15 or so...almost 30 years give or take a year or two! We always have a good natter when we get together and her hubby is funny as well so its always nice to catch up with them. We exchange lots of gossip and she tells me what's been happening in my old home town and gossip about people we used to go to school with. To be honest I don't miss the old place at all but I do like to hear what's been going on and who is doing what to whom lol. And yes guys one day I WILL come and visit you!
Yesterday, Wednesday, was People's Day at the EKKA (Brisbane Exhibition) so a public holiday for me! The weather was perfect and apparently, according to news reports, not too many people turned up! Now traditionally People's Day is a nightmare with wall to wall people and it is impossible to manouvre your way through the crowds, even worse for those mum's with prams and little kids who get dirty looks everytime their prams hit someone's heel. I avoid the Ekka like the plague. I'm not a show kind of person. Not only do you need to take out a second mortgage to take your family their but I have ALWAYS come home with the flu. The EKKA seems to be a breeding ground for all kinds of diseases.
So yesterday, instead of going to the Ekka I called up mum to see if she wanted to go for a drive. We usually spend the public holiday going to Tom's Confectionary Warehouse as he has his own show bags which are much better quality and have heaps of evil things in them like choclates, lollies and chips AND are so much cheaper than the Ekka Showbags. So mum, me and my niece spent a total of $120 between us in showbags and choclates!! Heaven!!
Spent the rest of the afternoon having coffee at mum's and playing with the puppies. I now have photos of them so will try and upload...I will eventually take video of them as they are so cute to watch. My niece and I spent about an hour just watching them wrestle and play and laughing over their antics. And of course, because they know they are being watched they will show off just that little bit more!
Anyway back at work today and now it feels like a Monday insteead of a Thursday and it has thrown my whole week out. Roll on Friday!!!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I HATE Officious Government Workers...My vent for today...
Arrrrrgh! Ok now that I have had my growl...this week has been one heck of a week work wise. Really busy and because I'm still recovering from flu this has made me even crankier than normal...read on if you dare!!!
Anyway the organisation I work for is a non-profit one and as such we rely on government funding to operate. Government departments know this so they love to hold us to ransom over many little things. Now I know they are doing their jobs and there are right ways and wrong ways to do things and I can accept that there are protocols in place otherwise there can be total anarchy. BUT!!! When you have a gazillion forms to fill in every day for every one of our 50 odd services all of which need to be signed by authorised people who usually are never in the office when you need an urgent signature, then sometimes you work out an easier routine that saves time and effort and is more efficient. All is good most of the time and I have developed a good rapport with most of the government people I deal with as we do the same stuff together all the time and we know what is expected of each other and we let some things slip by because we know between us that there is nothing fraudulent going on and they understand where we are coming from most of the time. UNTIL (like today) some officious little government moo cow (my apologies to all the innocent moo cows out there!) who obviously forgot to have her daily latte and prozac, decided that all the forms we filled in and had signed, sealed and delivered by Express Post on Tuesday, will need to be re-sent to us and resigned BECAUSE...(wait for it...) we had removed a staple when the document apparently clearly SAID staples must not be removed AND because one of our authorised signatories signed on the wrong line. It was still a signature line but apparently not the line he should have signed it on. It should have been the line below and now the whole process was ruined because of it and well the documents just have to be done again.
Now after speaking through clenched teeth to said moo cow and telling her that it was the line we had always signed on and had been done that way for the past 17 years by another lady who is still doing the same thing mind you and no-one had ever said anything before, I am beyond furious as it means our funding will be late. As for the staple removal, I told her it was agreed by other department staff that we could remove the staple as we wanted to copy and archive the documents for our records. Not a chance says she...the staple is there for a reason...what reason she couldn't tell me but as the document apparently says the staples MUST NOT be removed and no changes could be made to the document without prior notification then that is what we MUST abide by. Now both my boss and myself tried to find this little gem of information and for the life of us we cannot find where it says that and I spoke to the lady in this office who usually does the forms and well...I can't repeat what she said lol but she vented in a much more forceful way than I am right now! Perhaps the staple is what is holding their department together...who would know!
So now we await the return of the forms and will go through the whole thing again next week.
*Sigh*
Anyway the organisation I work for is a non-profit one and as such we rely on government funding to operate. Government departments know this so they love to hold us to ransom over many little things. Now I know they are doing their jobs and there are right ways and wrong ways to do things and I can accept that there are protocols in place otherwise there can be total anarchy. BUT!!! When you have a gazillion forms to fill in every day for every one of our 50 odd services all of which need to be signed by authorised people who usually are never in the office when you need an urgent signature, then sometimes you work out an easier routine that saves time and effort and is more efficient. All is good most of the time and I have developed a good rapport with most of the government people I deal with as we do the same stuff together all the time and we know what is expected of each other and we let some things slip by because we know between us that there is nothing fraudulent going on and they understand where we are coming from most of the time. UNTIL (like today) some officious little government moo cow (my apologies to all the innocent moo cows out there!) who obviously forgot to have her daily latte and prozac, decided that all the forms we filled in and had signed, sealed and delivered by Express Post on Tuesday, will need to be re-sent to us and resigned BECAUSE...(wait for it...) we had removed a staple when the document apparently clearly SAID staples must not be removed AND because one of our authorised signatories signed on the wrong line. It was still a signature line but apparently not the line he should have signed it on. It should have been the line below and now the whole process was ruined because of it and well the documents just have to be done again.
Now after speaking through clenched teeth to said moo cow and telling her that it was the line we had always signed on and had been done that way for the past 17 years by another lady who is still doing the same thing mind you and no-one had ever said anything before, I am beyond furious as it means our funding will be late. As for the staple removal, I told her it was agreed by other department staff that we could remove the staple as we wanted to copy and archive the documents for our records. Not a chance says she...the staple is there for a reason...what reason she couldn't tell me but as the document apparently says the staples MUST NOT be removed and no changes could be made to the document without prior notification then that is what we MUST abide by. Now both my boss and myself tried to find this little gem of information and for the life of us we cannot find where it says that and I spoke to the lady in this office who usually does the forms and well...I can't repeat what she said lol but she vented in a much more forceful way than I am right now! Perhaps the staple is what is holding their department together...who would know!
So now we await the return of the forms and will go through the whole thing again next week.
*Sigh*
Saturday, August 1, 2009
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