To wed or not to wed.....

Ok...so I am watching the Home & Away wedding tonight of Belle and Aidan (yes I know but I this is the only soap I really do enjoy!!) Having a bit of a cry (as I do!) at the drama it took for them to get to the altar, say their vows..yadda yadda yadda. Hubby is giving me sly sidelong glances as he knows I will be having a cry but luckily for him (or maybe he knows better now!) he says nothing. Then he asks when we will be getting married. We have been engaged about 10 1/2 years and every couple of years we talk about it and decide we can't afford it yet and there is really no hurry as we know we are committed to each other. We are best friends as well so it's all good. Our parents on the other hand have tried to subtley over the years to persuade us we need to do it sooner rather than later. Lately though hubby has been sort of dropping some hints too and saving money for us to go away for our very first holiday as a couple sans kids. So we are thinking we may just marry quietly in Fiji or one of the Whitsunday Islands or just somewhere with the two of us then throw a massive party for everyone later.

The trouble is it may upset our parents, but to be honest I really have lost my urge to be married since dad passed away as I know now that he will not be there to give me away and that upsets me deeply. I have been chastising myself the past month over not marrying while he was well and could be there for me and now of course it is too late. And of course hubby understands this which is why he is suggesting we go away by ourselves and come back married which would be nice. I am not really the big wedding type of girl. While other girls grow up dreaming of the perfect wedding, with the beautiful dress 20 bridemaids etc I just want a day that has me, my future husband and my close friends and family. On a beach barefoot...with my flowergirls releasing butterflies preferably at sunrise with a nice champagne breakfast. That's it...then off to a nice romantic island for the ultimate indulgence of my husband. So we will think more on it and decide in the next 12 months. Right now its too soon and some family relations are a little strained as Daughter No.1 will be absent as she and hubby no longer speak so that will make things awkward as well.

To be quite frank hubby and I are over all the fighting and bitching hence our need to go on a long holiday for a couple of weeks and perhaps just do something for us instead of us being there for everyone else and putting our needs last. As hubby says, the kids are all over 20 now and what they do with their lives is now completely in their hands. And now I tend to agree. Trouble is I have always been the peacemaker between hubby and his kids but now I think I have had enough and if they can't sort themselves out them I'm not either...they know where we live :)

So I think I will start making plans, suss out some nice wedding deals (I know Fiji does some great wedding things and they organise everything for you if you let them know in plenty of time). We had considered New Zealand but if go there my in-laws will expect us to visit all the rellos over there (hubby's dad is a Kiwi and his relatives all still live there). So again we would feel obliged to go visit grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins and before we know it our holiday will be over!

Families...can't live with them...can't live without them!

Excited!!

Just a quick blog to say yay!! I finally found a template I like! *very chuffed with myself!!*

My Weekend...continued

Sunday I was up pretty early which was weird considering hubby and I didn't get to bed until 1am! We had sat up playing online games with my brother and before any of us realised it was 1am! My daughter number 2 and I had planned a coffee morning at Gloria Jean's so I was up early and got to the coffee shop by 10:30am. D2 was already there and she wanted to shout me coffee for my birthday which was really nice so we sat and chatted about stuff. She is about to move in with her boyfriend and will be moving 2 hours drive away so this was pretty much our last chance for a while to see each other although her father and I will visit heaps and I'm sure she and her man will come visit us.

She is very excited about having her own place...her first. Her father and I gave her $500 to get started with so she was VERY excited as they really need a fridge so that will go towards that. I am so excited for her but sad too that my little girl, who I met when she was 10, is all grown up! She and I have probably got on the best out of the three step children. And yet she was the last of them to truly accept me. Not because of me particularly but she was more upset, as a child would be, that her parents had split and she found it very hard to accept that Dad had a new girlfriend who wasn't her mother. Once she accepted the fact that her parents would never get back together, she bonded to me instantly. I think it also helped that I didn't try to BE her mother. I tried very hard to keep out of their space and they accepted me on their own terms not because they had to like me but because they REALLY DID like me :) So now D2 and I are very close and she has always been the one who makes sure I'm okay and was always buying me little gifts etc. She is just gorgeous :)

She also bought me a little silver ring after we had coffee. We did a bit of girly shopping after coffee and bought some clothes and I found this cute little ring which she begged to buy me for my birthday. I was happy to just have coffee but she really wanted to buy me a gift so I now have a lovely little ring which looks great with my Pandora bracelet :)

She will be staying with her mum till she and her man find a house. He got back from exercise in Darwin with the RAAF on Sunday so now he is back they will look in earnest. She is also out of work right now so she will look for work close to wherever they move to. It's a very exciting time for both of them and I wish them both joy and happiness!

My Wonderful Weekend...

Getting up this morning (Monday) was so hard considering the lovely weekend I just had...someone should ban Mondays I say!

Got home from work early on Friday. Stopped at Woolies on the way home to grocery shop as I was planning on making potato bake which is a family favourite. Got home, grabbed a glass of sherry and set to cooking dinner. Hubby came up to help and we talked about our day and teased the son which is our normal practice lol. So that was a nice evening...early to bed to watch a movie and a snuggle...heaven :)

Saturday was MY day. I love my hubby and kids but I like to have one day that is mine where there is no housework done and I can just chill out. So my plan for Saturday was to get up, make myself a cuppa, some raisin toast with cinnamon for hubby and I and we sat and chatted for a bit before I showered and got ready to go shopping. I had oodles of birthday money and it was burning a hole in my pocket lol! Soooooo...with a goal in mind I headed to our local Westfield to shop till I dropped. I ended up buying my Guess handbag which I have wanted for a long time but usually you have to take out a second mortgage to buy one! BUT everything was on sale this weekend so I had enough birthday money to buy that plus a new bead for my Pandora bracelet which is my current passion. I am also a huuuuge lover of handbags. I have so many but I can never have enough! Hubby is now used to my compulsion and just rolls his eyes when I bring home a new handbag lol...I think he is planning on opening a store soon to sell them all off! I am actually planning on making my own as a friend gave me some really awesome patterns to make handbags so that will be my next project which will go right beside my scrapbooking, jewellery making and card making projects! Stay tuned for pictures at a later date!

After an exhausting morning shopping I visited my mum. Well actually I told mum I had come to see her but I really just wanted to play with her new puppies lol. My brother bought her two 8 week old pommaliers (cross between a pomeranian and King Charles Cavalier or whatever they call them!). The puppies are sisters and the last 2 left so my brother decided to buy them both for mum. I have never seen mum so happy since my dad passed. They will be wonderful company for her. They are so tiny and fluffy and so playful. And soooo much energy! I'm not sure mum will keep up with them! So yeah I spent a couple of hours playing with them. Mum has named them Cocoa and Sasha and trust me they are typical sisters! Fighting all the time! Mum bought two of everything so they would have a toy each but nooooo...they have to fight over one lol! And you can't just pet one...you have to pet them both together otherwise the other will start fighting the one being petted...talk about sibling rivalry lol. So much fun to watch though.

Tried to get photos of them but have yet to get them to sit still long enough lol so will post one as soon as we can make them sit.

No...I am NOT a pin cushion!!!

Went to bed last night with my head feeling a bit fuzzy...had been having dizzy spells not long after dinner which was really freaky so decided an early night in bed was the ticket. Hubby was still in the middle of a battle (he is a World of Warcraft nut!) so he gave me a kiss and a cuddle and promised he would be up after the fight.

Head still spinning as I got into bed but could not get to sleep so flicked on TV and watched "Family Guy" in bed. Long after "Family Guy" and "American Dad" had finished hubby still hadn't come to bed which was fine as I was feeling restless anyway and would have disturbed his sleep with all my tossing and turning. I was still awake when hubby came to bed so we snuggled for a bit as he was cold. He smokes and won't smoke in the house so he stands outside in the cold to smoke! Eventually fell asleep.

Woke this morning with my head still spinning and with awful stabbing pains behind my ribcage. Now I have been having these pains for the last week...really feels like someone is stabbing hot knitting needles into my ribcage. Its like a cramp and my whole abdomen seizes up while the cramp is happening and it hurts to take a breath. It usually all goes away after a couple of minutes and I know I should be going to the doctors but I have had so many medical appointments over the past 4 or 5 years I just have become fed up with having to pay so much money for so little result. That, plus the fact I am terrified what they might find which is stupid because I know if they find something in time I have more of a chance. Also I know if I go back to my doctor he will get grumpy with me as I didn't follow through with an ultrasound he wanted me to take on my liver so this is why I am really worried now as that was 12 months ago and I have done nothing. With dad being so ill and always being rushed to hospital I just didn't have the time with one thing or the other and with work being so busy which is not an excuse I know but sometimes time just isn't there to do all the things I need to do.

So the bottom line is I should have gone to the doctor today but haven't even though I stayed home from work today. The cramping has eased up and the head is not spinning as much.

One thing you all should know is that when it comes to needles I am the biggest baby! I HATE NEEDLES!! I had so many blood tests last year that I was freaked out everytime I walked into my doctors surgery willing him not to tell me I needed more blood tests. You would think by now I had gotten used to them. It also doesn't help when the lady giving you the jab is a needle nazi. She was not gentle at all. She would really press hard on my arm to find a vein then jab the needle in then say "oops no blood there" OOPS??? What do you mean oops??? So she tells me she will have to try the other arm. By now I am already freaked at having the first needle and there are like 4 vials she has to fill and now she is telling me she has to try again on the other arm??? No freaking way!!! So she is there telling me I need to be brave and all I want to do is stick that needle in her eye lol. So again the heavy pressing on the other arm to find a vein and she is like "hmmm might not get much here either...if I can't get blood this time might have to go with somewhere else". By now I'm close to tears and just want this whole experience to be over and swearing to myself that next time I will ask them to put me out first before they draw blood! By the way I have NEVER had trouble before having blood drawn, in fact they usually have excess I bleed so much. So I'm thinking this chick really has no idea. But she did get the 4 vials filled from the second arm but she actually had to move the needle around in my arm and I had to physically restrain myself from bitch slapping her. At the end of it all she was like " There that wasn't so bad was it?". I actually told her no it did bloody hurt and next time they want blood from me they will have to kill me first. I don't think she knew if I was joking or not!

So yeah I will go to the doctor again, EVENTUALLY, but not today. Will see how I go today then make an appointment for another day when I am feeling a little braver.

Our Funny Teenage Son Mr 19

Our youngest, Mr 19, has been the source of much mirth and entertainment over the years. He is an intelligent boy - there's not much he doesn't know about computers and his beloved car he has rebuilt from scratch so he's know his thing there, but when God was giving out common sense, Mr 19 thought they said they were giving away 20 cents and decided it wasn't worth it lol.

DD2 and I were laughing about a couple of things just the other night and I just have to share...sorry son!

A couple of our more amusing conversations goes like this:

Conversation 1

Mr 19 doing dishes one night after a particularly messy meal and not very happy about it (It was a punishment):

Mr 19: Mum how do I get this yukky stuff off the bottom of the saucepan?

Me: Use a bit of elbow grease...

Mr 19: *grumble grumble* (no idea what was said at this point lol but I'm sure it wasn't pleasant)

A couple of minutes later and still more grumbling and much slamming of cupboard doors and more muttering.

Me: What on earth are you doing??

Mr 19: I'm trying to find the damn elbow grease! Where do we keep it again???

*insert eye rolling smiley here*

Conversation 2:

Mr 19 arguing with his sister Miss 21:

Mr 19: Mum! Miss 21 won't let me have a shower!

Me: What do you mean she won't let you have a shower.

Miss 21: Of course you can have a shower. I didn't say he couldn't have one?

Mr 19: Miss 21 wants to put her washing in the dryer and if she does that I won't have any hot water!


Huh????

My Dad...The Soldier

This is the poem I wrote and read at Dad's funeral...I pretty much wrote it in 10 minutes one day before the funeral so it's a bit rough but it suits dad I think...I wrote and read a 3 page eulogy for his funeral because no-one else was able to. No-one thought I would be able to read it out and in fact, the celebrant said he would read it for me if I found it was going to be too hard. But I decided I would do it as my last gift to dad and I am so glad I did. I read it without breaking down and I was so proud of myself and I am sure my dad would have been too. I had so many people come up to afterward saying how brave I was etc and how beautiful the eulogy was. I really just wrote from the heart and I have to admit it was pretty good...I made people laugh and I made them cry...everything I said was quintessentially dad...even the celebrant was chuckling beside me at some of the stories I read about dad.

My Dad...The Soldier

He never talked a lot about the time he went to war
Even after all these years, his emotions were still raw.
Occasionally, in conversation, he’d talk about his mates
And his eyes would well up with tears that time never abates.
He’d speak sometimes of mates that he’d had to leave behind
But I don’t think any of us could understand just what was in his mind.
He often used to tell us that soldiers had a language of their own
They shared memories and experiences most of us have never known.
So come ANZAC Day my dearest dad we’ll remember you with pride
And remember the sacrifices you and your mates made for us as we stand there by your side.

My Trials with Blogging!

Well after spending ages working on my blog I think I have it all figured out although I'm still not happy with the design and layout...consider it a work in progress :) If you have any hints or tips for me then I'll happily take it on board! All I can say is - Thank goodness for the edit function!!!

Work was rather busy today...I am in charge of organising a conference for around 100 people in September so even though I'm not stressing yet, give it some time and I'm sure I will be grumping at everyone!!

Darling Daughter No.2 has invited me to go out for coffee with her on Sunday which doesn't happen a lot as she has her own life so it has me a little worried lol...the last time I was invited out for coffee with Darling Daughter No.1 she dropped a bombshell on me, the results of which are still reverberating even now so I am a little anxious. Although I do know that it will be the last time for a while we will be able to get together as DD2 is moving in with her RAAF based boyfriend which will be a 2 hour drive away. So we will make the most of it. She is so excited to be moving into her first real home of her own...she has always shared with other people so I think it will be great for her. She has always been the messy child lol...she caused me no end of headache when she lived with us...I have seen pigs live in better conditions! But her boyfriend is a neat freak so I think those days may be gone lol. It will be interesting to see how they fare living together as DD2 is extremely strong-willed. Mt Kosciusko is easier to move than she is! So we will see what transpires....

My First Post!! Yay!!

Well here it is...my very first blog post :) It's funny that now I have gotten this far I am sitting here thinking... thinking... thinking... what to write?? Those of you who know me on a personal level know that I have had a fairly eventful year with family illness, some personal issues as well the death of my beloved father in June. Top that with some health issues of my own and I am amazed by my own strength! Of course I know that people all over the world are dealing with their own personal demons so I know that I am not that special and don't have the monopoly on feeling melancholy most days. Life is tough and you can choose to curl up in a ball and will yourself to fade away or you can deal with the grief, get up, shake yourself off, tell yourself that life sucks but then move on to the next life event. I chose the latter. As tempting as it is to curl up in a ball and never get up again, I know my dad would never allow it if he were still here so I force myself to get up and move on. Yeah it's hard and I still have a cry in the shower every morning before I go to work but it is therapeutic and I know that dad is pushing me forcing me to strive forward. I think that is why I want to write again. Dad was a writer and he loved to write and he instilled in me my love of reading and writing. He taught me to write my name on a chalk board when I was 3 years old and he taught me to read at the same age. One day I hope to be published. I don't feel yet that I have had enough life experience to write as well as I should but I do try to observe things around me. This blog will mostly be things based on my observations on me, my family, friends and complete strangers - people I run into everyday. Hope you can enjoy the ride with me!