Gasbagging!!!

...is what MM calls it when mum and I yak on the phone for 3 hours straight! Which is how long our phone conversation was on the phone last night! And we only live a suburb apart from each other! But my mum is my best friend and I have felt a little guilty at not visiting for the past couple of weekends. Mum had actually rung me as we still need to decide what to do with Dad's ashes as they are still at the funeral home and because they will only keep them there for 6 months we need to make a decision sooner rather than later. Originally we wanted to organise a niche at Pinaroo Crematorium as they have the War Memorial Wall there and as a serviceman Dad is entitled to have his interred there. So mum rang Pinaroo and they have told us it will cost us $1000 for a niche there and extra for the plaque. Now, the plaque we will get for free as Veterans Affairs make up the plaque with his name and service number and with the Rising Sun on it to represent his army service so the plaque is no biggie. The actual niche though is kind of expensive considering how much we have spent already. We can however keep his ashes at home and just have the plaque placed on the Wall of Rememberance at Pinaroo at no extra cost.

So now mum is wanting to bring Dad home and just put the plaque up at Pinaroo. She asked my opinion on bringing Dad's ashes home. She really likes the idea as that is where dad wanted to pass away, at home, but he never got that opportunity. But she won't scatter them because she is worried if she has to move house she won't be able to take him with her. I'm in two minds over the whole thing but as I told mum the decision is really hers to make and we will abide by which ever decision she goes with. In a way it could be a good idea as when her time comes she will be cremated as well and we can place their ashes together somewhere and she really liked that suggestion so I'm thinking that is what we will do.

Having made that decision, mum drops another bombshell saying she rang Veterans Affairs about the plaque and the minion there says she should have it by now as they had all the plaques engraved and mailed out a week or so ago. Mum tells them that no...she hasn't received it in the mail which has her worried that maybe it could have been stolen out of the mailbox as she hasn't been able to lock the mailbox for the last couple of weeks. Well, says the minion, we sent it out to such and such address to a Mrs Williams.

MUM: You sent it where? That is the name and address of my husband's first wife and they have been separated for over 45 years!

MINION: Oh, well that's where it went...we can send you another one then only it will take another 3 months or so when we do the next batch of plaques.

So yeah we still can't figure out why all his mail from VA comes to mum's address but something as important as a plaque has been sent to a first wife who he has had no contact with for the past 45 years! She had originally been listed as next of kin when dad was in the army 50-odd years ago...and going through the file they could see that had been changed to mum so how they got it so wrong we have no idea. Needless to say I am not impressed and it upset mum a little and hopefully it will come sooner than we think.

That conversation then lead on to mum telling me all dad's secrets...how dad had never divorced that wife and that mum and he were never married and she always worried about us kids finding out. I think mum was relieved to know that none of us kids are in any way bothered by that...he was our dad...pure and simple...but things started making sense to me as I always suspected there was something odd all these years as my parents never did anniversarys and there were no wedding photos etc. There were also kids from that marriage which was a surprise. Mum tells me there were 2 girls and 2 boys all a few years older than me. Which sort of explains another mystery as the family lived in Toowoomba for a long while and once when I was visiting Toowoomba I had 2 different people come up to me thinking I was someone else then when they realised I wasn't that person they would ask me if I was related to so and so...and I would be like Who?? I had no idea. So now it appears one of my sisters looks like me! Poor woman!

I think mum still worries about them coming forward and trying to stake a claim on her house but I have to keep reassuring her they have no claim to anything of dad's because 1. He has nothing but his clothes and old tools and 2. Most of it is in her name which is the way dad wanted it, no doubt in case of that very thing.

Mum says his ex-wife wanted nothing to do with him and he never again heard from any of his children although mum did say there was a phone call once from the youngest daughter a few years back and she must have tried to give dad her phone number because dad said "let me get a pen and paper" and he never did have a pen and paper in front of him and he never wrote anything down.

I have yet to decide what to do tomorrow as I have the day off and mum has said she might have the day off as well so maybe we'll go somewhere nice and quiet and talk about dad. The 28th would have been his birthday so I think it will be nice to sit and think about him and reflect on his life.