Now I know I was a teenager once but I'm pretty certain my head didn't spin in an anti-clockwise direction or screech out incoherent lyrics to songs about killing my mum/sister/dog/my ex and I didn't learn to write in code like today's SMS obsessed teens do! Ok...so a slight exaggeration maybe but I want to know at what point does a sweet, cute little 12 year old, who still plays with Barbie and sings and makes up dances to the latest Britney Spears/Hillary Duff songs with her friends, turn into a Dark Angel of Death, with her beautiful hair no longer resembling its original colour, with piercings in places I would never have dreamed of, hanging out with people whose idea of fun is cutting themselves and listening to dark, depressing music that would depress even Ossie Osbourne and Alice Cooper!
My gorgeous niece has become such a Dark Angel overnight. I swear it was overnight as it only seems like a short time ago that she was my adorable little girl who I could relate to and who hung on to my every word. She still loves our hugs (we have always hugged a lot) but now she has become more secretive and rolls her eyes more at things I or her mother or my mother say like she knows it all. Her friends now scare me and yet it wasn't long ago when she went to dance classes and had friends who were nice girls who come from nice homes and were just...nice. Now her friends come from...which planet I do not know and I'm sure there is very few human genes in there!
A few days ago I visited her. She will be 16 next month and since dad passed away she has started acting up and mum is having a hard time controlling her now. Now I am putting this down to her grieving over her grandad as they were very close and he was the closest thing she has ever had to a father who she has never known. But I digress and will explain more at another time.
Anyway as I was saying I visited on the weekend and my mum pulls me aside and says "Don't say anything but Nic has a piercing". Okay, I think...she has her ears pierced already twice and I figure she has had another one done. "It's in her lip"...oooookay...now I'm not too impressed. Maybe I am a prude but I really don't like the thought of young girls disfiguring themselves with piercings in weird places. The ears is fine...I have double piercings in my own ears but that is the limit of where I will go. But lips, nose, tongues, belly buttons and nether regions I think is plain insane and why ruin a gorgeous body with something so horrid. Anyway Nic gives me the usual "I love my aunty" hug and this time she turns her head away so I can't see where she commited her sin. She knows my views on piercings and tatts and knows I will be disappointed in her. I say nothing to show I disapprove and ask her instead if it hurt. She smiles and says yeah it did but her friends had told her it wouldn't hurt so she is happy to point out her friends lied about the pain.
Now mum drops another bombshell. "Nic is getting a stretcher put in her ear for her birthday" WHAT!!! I look at Nic and again she quickly looks away and returns to the safety of her friends on MSN. I ask her if she knows what happens when you put stretchers in your ear? She says it will be a small one and hardly noticeable. Now I know the school she attends frowns on this form of fashion but she says all the girls have one. And I have seen so many teens on the train with stretchers...some have holes so big they carry their pens in them! I also saw a guy in a suit once who must have had his stretchers removed and his earlobes dangled down near his shoulders with gaping great holes the size of small windows in them...NOT a great look.
Now top this with her hair being dyed black with lighter coloured streaks through it and heavy makeup which she wears to school with black eyeliner so thick she looks like a panda bear. She looks like one of the Veronicas. Very rock chick...I have to admit the look does look good on her but if she was 18 I wouldn't have a problem with it...but this is my little baby who I helped raise when her mother married and ran off leaving her with mum and dad. The beautiful little cutie who had copper curls and beautiful big lips that loved to kiss you. She still does tell me all the time she loves me and we text each other still wishing each a great day and with kisses and "I luv u" so I guess I am grateful for that. But I miss the other little girl!
So tell me, is it wrong to feel like I am losing my precious girl? I went through all this with Daughter 2 who we made wait till she was 18 to get her tongue pierced which she still has to this day. Nic is EXACTLY what Daughter 2 was. Daughter 2 has just turned 21 and is only now growing out of that stage so I am hopeful for that. The thing is, Nic still does have a big heart and I think she will always be the caring, loving girl she always has been. She is very popular at school and is always the first to stand up for what she believes in and if a kid is being picked on at school she steps in and stop any fights...and she is just a tiny little thing!
Before high school, teachers used to try and tell us she was autistic as she very rarely spoke to the teacher or grown ups and was so painfully shy and yet at home she was so outgoing around us and her friends. Now she is not afraid of anything and can speak to absolutely anyone and people just love her. She is fantastic at art and the teachers have got her a traineeship in graphic art which she wants to do when she leaves school. She is very artistic and loves photography and her drawings are wonderful...she wants to eventually work for a magazine or something.
Don't get me wrong...I am extremely proud of her and I love her to bits...she is the daughter I have never had...I was there the day she was born and I have been there for her ever since. She often tells me I should have been her mother as her own mother has little to do with her.
I guess mothers the world over try to turn back the hands of time and want to stop their little girls growing up. I just hope that Nic and I will always be close. I will always be here for her if she needs me. And I know I need to live with the fact that she is her own person and she is trying to find herself and her own sense of style BUT doesn't mean I have to like it!!
4 comments:
As long as she does not stretch her lobes past 10mm they will go back to normal after she gets sick of the stretcher and takes it out :) if she only does as far a 3 to 5 mm you will barely be able to tell, from the front it will just look like she has a big round earring in, unless she puts a tunnel in :)
:P nothing wrong with a nose piercing either as long as it is little, mine is done ;)
at least she is only going with piercings, they can be taken out and noone will notice when she get sick of it, start to worry when she discovers tattoos :P
Yes I have to admit I barely notice your nose stud so that is not so bad :) When they start sticking rings and chains and bars through things that is when it looks kind of icky =)
She sounds like SOL's daughter TEEN. Identical actually. Same hair, make up, piercings, stretcher, etc...And I am sure I will be going through it soon enough with Jr Her, although currently she only wants a belly button piercing... touch wood...
You know, I can't even lament the loss of my little angel. I never had one! Jr Her, while I love her a lot, ceased being an angel when she was about 4....and she has always been a headstrong, independent young lady. Which can be good, but not always!
Never mind, by the time she is in her twenties (and I am living for those twenties right now) she will be a wonderful young woman with a lot of talent just starting out on life's incredible journey. You'll see!
And by the way, you have an open invitation to a bbq at my outdoor setting any time! Come on down! xxx
*gations*... don't know what they are, but they sound like fun!
She does sound like the Teen! She has her belly button, a lip stud (monroe) and stretchers - 14mm. Oh, and a tattoo.
She went through the Avril rock chick stage at 10, started the damaging phase not long after, Emo for a while, then the Scene phase.
She's 17 now and no longer wears black, listens to depressing music or hangs out with kids who cut themselves.
I'd like to think that not judging her phases or restricting her appearance helped because she had no chance to 'rebel'. Only seriously bad behaviour copped a lecture, but not too much of one. And I never grounded her ....
But I think her current boy could probably take most of the credit. :)
There's hope for your niece, as you know. You're on the right track, whatever she does you love her unconditionally. You'll always have that.
**multin** almost a breakfast cereal, what!
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