...Father's day and our first without our dad. I woke expecting to feel all melancholy but surprisingly enough I got up feeling good about the day, wished dad a silent Happy Father's Day then went about my day. MM was a little grumpy but might have something to do with the fact that son left the house for the day without even wishing his dad a happy fathers day (he forgot). I decided to go out for the morning and went for coffee at mum's to see how she and the kids were coping with the day. They were doing okay and we just chatted about dad and Miss Nearly-16 asked us lots of questions about her grandad and we reminisced a little about what we kids used to get up to and all the trouble we got into with dad and mum lol...For some reason she loves these stories and she finds it hard to beleive some days that her Uncle and Aunty and mother were such horrible kids to each other at times lol. Dad never did the disciplining...it was always left to mum...she did all the spanking and yelling although I have had the sharp end of dad's tongue probably three times in my whole life and only 2 beltings from him when I did something particularly awful and I deserved it (one of those awful things was mowing down my sister on my bike...ran straight over the top of her I did! Boy did she howl!)
Miss Nearly 16 and I then went downstairs to run with the puppies and raided dad's strawberry patch and mulberry tree...man those things still taste good! The two of us were a sight with red fingers, teeth and lips and laughing at ourselves because we looked like Vampires...even the puppies were eating the ones that hit the ground so Sasha's white paws had these big purple blotches on them but they both had a real treat as well!
I got home from mum's to find Miss 21 and her boyfriend T visiting her dad for Father's Day which I am so happy about...it made his day to think at least one of his children remembered him! Many hugs from daughter later she and I sat and talked about stuff...She and T still haven't found a place to move into together and she is feeling a bit down about...MM and T were chatting about man stuff...it's good to see MM gets on with atleast one of his kids boyfriends. T is a nice guy...a bit quirky but because Miss 21 is so stubborn he knows how to deal with her so he is good for her. I like him anyway...
All in all was a nice day but I'm glad its over...
Sunday, September 6, 2009
My Thought Processes....
...of late have been in a state of confusion. So much to do, so much to think about and there are days I just want to jump off the Gateway Bridge! Well I'm just kidding about the last part. For one I am a little afraid of heights and secondly diving has never been my forte and knowing my luck I would just do a massive belly flop which would really really hurt and it might not kill me anyway!
Friday 28 August, which I mentioned before would have been my dad's birthday, was really nice. I took the day off and mum also decided she would take the afternoon off work. She rang me early that morning to see if I would like to go with her on a couple of her appointments then we could do lunch. Sounded great so I took my book to read while she popped in to see a couple of War Widows who luck would have it lived along the waterfront at Redcliffe so I sat in the park to read while mum visited and she was done by 11:30am. So we decided to head to Scarborough and go to Morgans which sells the nicest seafood. They have a fish and chip restaurant there as well which is always crowded no matter what time of the day or week it is. It wasn't too bad when we got there so we grabbed fish and chips and drove down to the waterfront at Redcliffe and sat near the beach and ate our lunch. I had a photo of dad as well so we popped him up on the table with us just like he was eating with us and wished him a happy birthday then talked about the fun times we have had as a family...a few tears but it really was nice and I think for both of us it lifted a weight off our shoulders. We went for a short walk along the beach as well and it was just the perfect day.
Monday 31 August 2009
Today I was off work as I had another dizzy spell and decided I had better get myself to the doctors. So I now have a heap of blood tests to get which I will do this week as there was too much to do at work this week to get there. I also have a referral to the eye doctor just in case the dizziness is due to bad eyesight. My doctor tells me I also have low blood pressure which can be caused by stress but I will have everything checked out and I'll let you know what happens when I get the test results back.
Mum rang me that night to tell me she went and picked up dad's ashes. She has decided she wants him at home and she wanted to see if any of us kids want some. Apparently they will do pendants and such with ashes if family want them. I politely refused...She also got a letter from Veterans Affairs apologising for their earlier mistake and they are organising another plaque which will go up on the War Memorial Wall at Pinaroo. She also received a letter from the War Graves Commission who advised that dad is entitled to have his niche paid for in full as well which was nice to know. But I think mum is hell bent on keeping dad at home and it makes her happy so we will go with whatever makes her happy. She told me how just having dad's ashes in the car lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. She couldn't describe the feeling but she said she felt amazingly calm and no longer sad about him being gone. I like to think it was dad's way of saying thank you for letting him come home.
As for the other family, we are not going to worry about them at this point in time. We didn't know about them for 45 odd years so I think we will let sleeping dogs lie. If they decide they want to get in touch and know more about dad they are welcome to but I know I won't be searching them out. We don't love dad or mum any less for knowing...such is life...these things happen and playing the "what if..." game will get us nowhere. We were a family for 43 years, mum, dad, my sister, brother and I and that will never change.
Weekend of 5 September 2009
Well after weeks of planning our early childhood conference was held on Saturday. Myself and my colleagues all arrived early to set up and greet all the delegates and I must say it was a huge success. We got them all to complete evaluation forms and the response was extremely positive. It was a great job done by us if I do say so myself :) Because we all worked on Saturday we will get a day off this week and I will use mine to get my tests all done. I am so glad its all over. So much work goes into just one day!
Friday 28 August, which I mentioned before would have been my dad's birthday, was really nice. I took the day off and mum also decided she would take the afternoon off work. She rang me early that morning to see if I would like to go with her on a couple of her appointments then we could do lunch. Sounded great so I took my book to read while she popped in to see a couple of War Widows who luck would have it lived along the waterfront at Redcliffe so I sat in the park to read while mum visited and she was done by 11:30am. So we decided to head to Scarborough and go to Morgans which sells the nicest seafood. They have a fish and chip restaurant there as well which is always crowded no matter what time of the day or week it is. It wasn't too bad when we got there so we grabbed fish and chips and drove down to the waterfront at Redcliffe and sat near the beach and ate our lunch. I had a photo of dad as well so we popped him up on the table with us just like he was eating with us and wished him a happy birthday then talked about the fun times we have had as a family...a few tears but it really was nice and I think for both of us it lifted a weight off our shoulders. We went for a short walk along the beach as well and it was just the perfect day.
Monday 31 August 2009
Today I was off work as I had another dizzy spell and decided I had better get myself to the doctors. So I now have a heap of blood tests to get which I will do this week as there was too much to do at work this week to get there. I also have a referral to the eye doctor just in case the dizziness is due to bad eyesight. My doctor tells me I also have low blood pressure which can be caused by stress but I will have everything checked out and I'll let you know what happens when I get the test results back.
Mum rang me that night to tell me she went and picked up dad's ashes. She has decided she wants him at home and she wanted to see if any of us kids want some. Apparently they will do pendants and such with ashes if family want them. I politely refused...She also got a letter from Veterans Affairs apologising for their earlier mistake and they are organising another plaque which will go up on the War Memorial Wall at Pinaroo. She also received a letter from the War Graves Commission who advised that dad is entitled to have his niche paid for in full as well which was nice to know. But I think mum is hell bent on keeping dad at home and it makes her happy so we will go with whatever makes her happy. She told me how just having dad's ashes in the car lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. She couldn't describe the feeling but she said she felt amazingly calm and no longer sad about him being gone. I like to think it was dad's way of saying thank you for letting him come home.
As for the other family, we are not going to worry about them at this point in time. We didn't know about them for 45 odd years so I think we will let sleeping dogs lie. If they decide they want to get in touch and know more about dad they are welcome to but I know I won't be searching them out. We don't love dad or mum any less for knowing...such is life...these things happen and playing the "what if..." game will get us nowhere. We were a family for 43 years, mum, dad, my sister, brother and I and that will never change.
Weekend of 5 September 2009
Well after weeks of planning our early childhood conference was held on Saturday. Myself and my colleagues all arrived early to set up and greet all the delegates and I must say it was a huge success. We got them all to complete evaluation forms and the response was extremely positive. It was a great job done by us if I do say so myself :) Because we all worked on Saturday we will get a day off this week and I will use mine to get my tests all done. I am so glad its all over. So much work goes into just one day!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Gasbagging!!!
...is what MM calls it when mum and I yak on the phone for 3 hours straight! Which is how long our phone conversation was on the phone last night! And we only live a suburb apart from each other! But my mum is my best friend and I have felt a little guilty at not visiting for the past couple of weekends. Mum had actually rung me as we still need to decide what to do with Dad's ashes as they are still at the funeral home and because they will only keep them there for 6 months we need to make a decision sooner rather than later. Originally we wanted to organise a niche at Pinaroo Crematorium as they have the War Memorial Wall there and as a serviceman Dad is entitled to have his interred there. So mum rang Pinaroo and they have told us it will cost us $1000 for a niche there and extra for the plaque. Now, the plaque we will get for free as Veterans Affairs make up the plaque with his name and service number and with the Rising Sun on it to represent his army service so the plaque is no biggie. The actual niche though is kind of expensive considering how much we have spent already. We can however keep his ashes at home and just have the plaque placed on the Wall of Rememberance at Pinaroo at no extra cost.
So now mum is wanting to bring Dad home and just put the plaque up at Pinaroo. She asked my opinion on bringing Dad's ashes home. She really likes the idea as that is where dad wanted to pass away, at home, but he never got that opportunity. But she won't scatter them because she is worried if she has to move house she won't be able to take him with her. I'm in two minds over the whole thing but as I told mum the decision is really hers to make and we will abide by which ever decision she goes with. In a way it could be a good idea as when her time comes she will be cremated as well and we can place their ashes together somewhere and she really liked that suggestion so I'm thinking that is what we will do.
Having made that decision, mum drops another bombshell saying she rang Veterans Affairs about the plaque and the minion there says she should have it by now as they had all the plaques engraved and mailed out a week or so ago. Mum tells them that no...she hasn't received it in the mail which has her worried that maybe it could have been stolen out of the mailbox as she hasn't been able to lock the mailbox for the last couple of weeks. Well, says the minion, we sent it out to such and such address to a Mrs Williams.
MUM: You sent it where? That is the name and address of my husband's first wife and they have been separated for over 45 years!
MINION: Oh, well that's where it went...we can send you another one then only it will take another 3 months or so when we do the next batch of plaques.
So yeah we still can't figure out why all his mail from VA comes to mum's address but something as important as a plaque has been sent to a first wife who he has had no contact with for the past 45 years! She had originally been listed as next of kin when dad was in the army 50-odd years ago...and going through the file they could see that had been changed to mum so how they got it so wrong we have no idea. Needless to say I am not impressed and it upset mum a little and hopefully it will come sooner than we think.
That conversation then lead on to mum telling me all dad's secrets...how dad had never divorced that wife and that mum and he were never married and she always worried about us kids finding out. I think mum was relieved to know that none of us kids are in any way bothered by that...he was our dad...pure and simple...but things started making sense to me as I always suspected there was something odd all these years as my parents never did anniversarys and there were no wedding photos etc. There were also kids from that marriage which was a surprise. Mum tells me there were 2 girls and 2 boys all a few years older than me. Which sort of explains another mystery as the family lived in Toowoomba for a long while and once when I was visiting Toowoomba I had 2 different people come up to me thinking I was someone else then when they realised I wasn't that person they would ask me if I was related to so and so...and I would be like Who?? I had no idea. So now it appears one of my sisters looks like me! Poor woman!
I think mum still worries about them coming forward and trying to stake a claim on her house but I have to keep reassuring her they have no claim to anything of dad's because 1. He has nothing but his clothes and old tools and 2. Most of it is in her name which is the way dad wanted it, no doubt in case of that very thing.
Mum says his ex-wife wanted nothing to do with him and he never again heard from any of his children although mum did say there was a phone call once from the youngest daughter a few years back and she must have tried to give dad her phone number because dad said "let me get a pen and paper" and he never did have a pen and paper in front of him and he never wrote anything down.
I have yet to decide what to do tomorrow as I have the day off and mum has said she might have the day off as well so maybe we'll go somewhere nice and quiet and talk about dad. The 28th would have been his birthday so I think it will be nice to sit and think about him and reflect on his life.
So now mum is wanting to bring Dad home and just put the plaque up at Pinaroo. She asked my opinion on bringing Dad's ashes home. She really likes the idea as that is where dad wanted to pass away, at home, but he never got that opportunity. But she won't scatter them because she is worried if she has to move house she won't be able to take him with her. I'm in two minds over the whole thing but as I told mum the decision is really hers to make and we will abide by which ever decision she goes with. In a way it could be a good idea as when her time comes she will be cremated as well and we can place their ashes together somewhere and she really liked that suggestion so I'm thinking that is what we will do.
Having made that decision, mum drops another bombshell saying she rang Veterans Affairs about the plaque and the minion there says she should have it by now as they had all the plaques engraved and mailed out a week or so ago. Mum tells them that no...she hasn't received it in the mail which has her worried that maybe it could have been stolen out of the mailbox as she hasn't been able to lock the mailbox for the last couple of weeks. Well, says the minion, we sent it out to such and such address to a Mrs Williams.
MUM: You sent it where? That is the name and address of my husband's first wife and they have been separated for over 45 years!
MINION: Oh, well that's where it went...we can send you another one then only it will take another 3 months or so when we do the next batch of plaques.
So yeah we still can't figure out why all his mail from VA comes to mum's address but something as important as a plaque has been sent to a first wife who he has had no contact with for the past 45 years! She had originally been listed as next of kin when dad was in the army 50-odd years ago...and going through the file they could see that had been changed to mum so how they got it so wrong we have no idea. Needless to say I am not impressed and it upset mum a little and hopefully it will come sooner than we think.
That conversation then lead on to mum telling me all dad's secrets...how dad had never divorced that wife and that mum and he were never married and she always worried about us kids finding out. I think mum was relieved to know that none of us kids are in any way bothered by that...he was our dad...pure and simple...but things started making sense to me as I always suspected there was something odd all these years as my parents never did anniversarys and there were no wedding photos etc. There were also kids from that marriage which was a surprise. Mum tells me there were 2 girls and 2 boys all a few years older than me. Which sort of explains another mystery as the family lived in Toowoomba for a long while and once when I was visiting Toowoomba I had 2 different people come up to me thinking I was someone else then when they realised I wasn't that person they would ask me if I was related to so and so...and I would be like Who?? I had no idea. So now it appears one of my sisters looks like me! Poor woman!
I think mum still worries about them coming forward and trying to stake a claim on her house but I have to keep reassuring her they have no claim to anything of dad's because 1. He has nothing but his clothes and old tools and 2. Most of it is in her name which is the way dad wanted it, no doubt in case of that very thing.
Mum says his ex-wife wanted nothing to do with him and he never again heard from any of his children although mum did say there was a phone call once from the youngest daughter a few years back and she must have tried to give dad her phone number because dad said "let me get a pen and paper" and he never did have a pen and paper in front of him and he never wrote anything down.
I have yet to decide what to do tomorrow as I have the day off and mum has said she might have the day off as well so maybe we'll go somewhere nice and quiet and talk about dad. The 28th would have been his birthday so I think it will be nice to sit and think about him and reflect on his life.
Monday, August 24, 2009
The Week in Review....
The weekend past was a quiet one as has been this week so there isn't much of any worth to blog this week. The weather here the past of couple of days has the feel of the middle of summer and yet winter hasn't officially finished yet! Yesterday was a scorcher and I would have given anything to sit in a nice cool spa and sip champers as a way to cool off! Ah well maybe in my next life!
Saturday I slept in which was a bad start for me as I had a plan for Saturday and that plan included me getting up really early to get all the housework done in record time then drag MM off to the local Westfield to get me a new mobile phone as the one I have has shat itself and I am so over having to keep charging it everytime I walk past it! The account is in MM's name so he has to come with me but because I didn't get the things done I wanted, I let MM off the hook and have decided to go get it next weekend.
Saturday was actually a lovely warm day, not too hot and not too cold and the perfect day to wash all the sheets and replace the winter ones with summer ones. I was able to open the whole house up and let in some lovely fresh air in without one of the housemates complaining about the cold! I love having all the doors and windows open and letting in fresh air. There is something vaguely primitive about have a fresh breeze flowing through. Unfortunately I also hate bugs so I usually have to close up early to avoid any of those horrible critters invading my fresh home :)
Sunday I actually did get up early and decided on an early morning walk to the bakery and newsagent (about 50 metres down the road so not too much of a struggle!). Being one of the first customers at a bakery is bad news for me...lovely, freshly baked bread and donuts and cakes and all things that can be treacherous for me! So I ended up buying for lunch a yummy cheese and bacon french loaf and 3 fresh cream donuts for morning tea (no, not ALL for me...unfortunately I had to share! )
MM and I decided to have some "us" time so we sat and watched a series of NCIS on DVD. So between the cream donuts, french loaf and the various lollies and choclates we had bought the week before, we had a thoroughly decadent Sunday! I felt a little guilty at being so lazy but what the hell...we rarely have time to just sit and do nothing so that's what we did. Was rather nice I must say.
The rest of this week has gone rather slow...work is quiet and at night when I get home I have been typing up Dad's book which is all in handwritten notes. A few years back I had bought he and mum a journal each and asked them to write in it everything about their childhood and anything they think we would be interested in. I found dad's journal the other day when we were going through his stuff and he has written loads! I am so excited...the first few pages alone have had me smiling and laughing at his boyhood antics...dad was a writer and a journalist in his post-Army days and his stories are brilliant! His handwriting is a bit of a struggle to read though so I am transcribing it all and will create a book for all the kids with his photos and stories. He also has a half finished manuscript for the book he always wanted to write but never got around to finishing...I may just try and finish it for him and have it published if only for the family to have a copy...will see how that goes.
Friday I am having the day off as it will have been Dad's birthday so I will be spending a day reflecting and just have some quiet time alone with my memories and think of all the happy times and counting my blessings for all the time I did have with him.
Saturday I slept in which was a bad start for me as I had a plan for Saturday and that plan included me getting up really early to get all the housework done in record time then drag MM off to the local Westfield to get me a new mobile phone as the one I have has shat itself and I am so over having to keep charging it everytime I walk past it! The account is in MM's name so he has to come with me but because I didn't get the things done I wanted, I let MM off the hook and have decided to go get it next weekend.
Saturday was actually a lovely warm day, not too hot and not too cold and the perfect day to wash all the sheets and replace the winter ones with summer ones. I was able to open the whole house up and let in some lovely fresh air in without one of the housemates complaining about the cold! I love having all the doors and windows open and letting in fresh air. There is something vaguely primitive about have a fresh breeze flowing through. Unfortunately I also hate bugs so I usually have to close up early to avoid any of those horrible critters invading my fresh home :)
Sunday I actually did get up early and decided on an early morning walk to the bakery and newsagent (about 50 metres down the road so not too much of a struggle!). Being one of the first customers at a bakery is bad news for me...lovely, freshly baked bread and donuts and cakes and all things that can be treacherous for me! So I ended up buying for lunch a yummy cheese and bacon french loaf and 3 fresh cream donuts for morning tea (no, not ALL for me...unfortunately I had to share! )
MM and I decided to have some "us" time so we sat and watched a series of NCIS on DVD. So between the cream donuts, french loaf and the various lollies and choclates we had bought the week before, we had a thoroughly decadent Sunday! I felt a little guilty at being so lazy but what the hell...we rarely have time to just sit and do nothing so that's what we did. Was rather nice I must say.
The rest of this week has gone rather slow...work is quiet and at night when I get home I have been typing up Dad's book which is all in handwritten notes. A few years back I had bought he and mum a journal each and asked them to write in it everything about their childhood and anything they think we would be interested in. I found dad's journal the other day when we were going through his stuff and he has written loads! I am so excited...the first few pages alone have had me smiling and laughing at his boyhood antics...dad was a writer and a journalist in his post-Army days and his stories are brilliant! His handwriting is a bit of a struggle to read though so I am transcribing it all and will create a book for all the kids with his photos and stories. He also has a half finished manuscript for the book he always wanted to write but never got around to finishing...I may just try and finish it for him and have it published if only for the family to have a copy...will see how that goes.
Friday I am having the day off as it will have been Dad's birthday so I will be spending a day reflecting and just have some quiet time alone with my memories and think of all the happy times and counting my blessings for all the time I did have with him.
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